The Big Rake

We went to Vegas last weekend to celebrate a good friend's birthday, and we also managed to play in a poker tournament at the Luxor. Fantastic! The low-down:

It was a "freeze out" tournament, which means once you bought in, you played until you ran out of chips, and then you're out: no re-buys, no do-overs. For $33 in real money, each player received $350 in "poker" chips, meaningless blank chips you couldn't walk out with and cash in anywhere. We started with around 120 players (9 tables, 12 people per table, plus a lot of "alternates" who filled in the first openings as people went out in the first round).

I did well: made it to somewhere in the top 20, down to three half-full tables, but didn't get into the money (you had to make 7th and up for $). The star of the show, however, was my amazing wife, who was down to her last two chips, and then went on an "all-in" explosion, winning the next four hands and knocking out about 7 players in the process. She not only made the final table, she not only made top 7, she knocked out several more players and eventually went "heads up" against the only other player, eventually losing out on a final all-in.

Very exciting stuff! The Big Rake proves her Vegas dominance (2nd Vegas tournament, 2nd final table) once again, and wins enough money to make our new dining room table a reality! WSOP, here we come!

Safeway sociological experiment

I have been shopping at the same Safeway grocery store for the past 3+ years. Yesterday, I inadvertently conducted an experiment. My data:

Normal shopping experience (the "control," right?) :

• Time: usually Saturday AM
• Wearing: t-shirt and jeans
• Buying: same old stuff
• Employee reaction: over the years, I usually am greeted upon entering, but am otherwise ignored. Also, in all of this time, I think I have NOT bagged my own groceries maybe twice (even though there are actual baggers working).

Yesterday's shopping experience:

• Time: Tuesday PM
• Wearing: navy pinstripe suit, blue dress shirt, blue/lavender tie (came straight from work)
• Buying: same old stuff
• Employee reaction: I was greeted several times, asked by five different employees if I "needed any help finding everything," and was additionally asked by four different employees if they could "help me." At checkout, a bagger not only left a different lane to bag my groceries, but I was additionally asked by two other baggers if I needed help out to my car.

Conclusion: might not be worth the dry-cleaning bill, but dressing up for the grocery store certainly get results!

Why I hate Suburban Dad

As I head into my second month of the new job, I am realizing that the length of my commute home has little to do with train schedules, possible BART strikes, or weather, but instead one overriding factor: is there a Giants game tonight? Because if there is, Suburban Dad is going to slow me down.

Suburban Dad never takes transit, instead driving to work in his SUV and paying for parking. Suburban Dad, therefore, has no "commuter courtesy." What this means is that Suburban Dad, riding BART for the first time with Bored Wife and Anxious Kids (all in matching brand-new Giants hats they picked up at the mall), likes to stand in the middle of the train platform and stare at the map, too afraid to ask for help or directions, but apparently not afraid to block the way for others who know where they are going. Suburban Dad stands in the middle of the escalator, because it's a ride, right? Suburban Dad assumes everybody else is going to the baseball game and not trying to go home, and so stands in front of the turnstyle, fumbling for his unused ticket, instead of standing aside so people can get past him.

In short, Suburban Dad is a jerk and a nuisance, but worst of all, Suburban Dad doesn't know that he's a jerk and a nuisance because he's too self-absorbed to turn his head slightly to the left and realize there are other people on the train with him, people who don't give a rat's ass that he's using the firm's tickets with his family instead of clients for the first time in years.

Not that I'm irritated or anything...

The last lesson my father taught me

I buried my father last week. He was 62. I shouldn't need a wake up call to get in better shape, but this is certainly a loud one.

The last meaningful conversation we had was when we both flew to California for my grandfather's/his father's funeral in 1998. We met on the porch the night I got into town, did that awkward hug/slap on the back that men do, and then sat down and actually talked for the first time in several years. He shared with me that he had never been close to his father, that they too hadn't spoken in years, that they were friendly, but never friends. He told me he was hesitant to speak at his father's funeral because he really didn't feel like he knew him very well, and didn't want to dishonor his father's memory nor embarrass himself with a lack of information. Then he paused, and for the first time that evening actually looked me in the eyes. I thought, finally...here it comes. My dad is going to let his guard down, speak to me as an equal rather than a subordinate, and admit that he was sorry that we had perpetuated the cycle. Then I could do the same. He opened his mouth and said, "Well, good to see you, we should go to bed." That was the last time we spoke.

At the time I was angry at the perceived irony and hypocrisy, but I am starting to wonder if that was as close as he could come to admitting he had been wrong, and that I probably should have taken the lead and admitted my share of the guilt as well. That never happened, and now never will.

Sorry for the heavy note heading into Father's Day this weekend, but if your dad is still around, please, learn from our mistakes.

So...tired...can't...make...coherent...sentences...

Well, the first week at the new job is over, just in time for a three-day weekend...and I am exhausted! I think a lot of it is going to be just getting into the flow of waking up early and getting into a schedule again, but it is already almost 11:30 this morning, and I have barely managed to keep my eyes open long enough to clothe and feed myself. Sad.

This week has also highlighted my turn to the Dark Side, my willing obeisance to my Dark Lord, the coffee bean. So far, I haven't fallen into the trap of the afternoon cup, but I need a couple cups in the morning if I have any chance of making it to noon, let alone the end of the day. I tried going a day without, and the slicing headache that ensued brought me back in line and reminded me who's boss.

What is your bidding, my master?

Happy Birthday, Gluttony!

Today, our good friend celebrates his 100th birthday, and due to the exceedingly fickle American consumer's obsession with the concept of newer-is-better, he doesn't look a day over 3. At least, the parts of him I visit.

Sorry we couldn't be there to celebrate with you, old friend. Hope you got our card and gift certificate to the Olive Garden, and here's to our neon-bright future together!

New spring outfit

My friend Jen updated the look and feel of her blog; very cool, and since this site is listed in her links, I think the least I can do is divert your attention her way.

By the way, I am not sure if the "565" in the upper left corner is some sort of counter, just there to look cool, or some DaVinci Code-esque clue that will unlock the secrets of the Sacred Feminine (i.e. my code name for that group of 40ish women I used to teach with who always wore shiny jogging suits). Take your pick.

Regis and his Cruise to Hell

If you are into this sort of thing, below are the five clues you need to enter the Cruisin' Reunion contest on Live with Regis and Kelly. If you win, you and your 19 closest friends and family members go on a week-long cruise with thousands of other families...and Regis. I guess they needed one more cranky old person on a cruise ship...?

Anyway, here are the clues:

1. Horn
2. Button
3. Relly
4. Sing
5. Surprise
   

I am not sure I know 19 other people, family or otherwise, I would want to spend a week with on a ship. For that matter, I am not sure I know 19 other people I'd want to invite on vacation with me one at a time. If you win, have fun...but I'm busy that week.

Viva el Cinco de Mayo!

When I see all the Corona and margarita ads on television this time of year, I wonder if Mexican-Americans get irritated that Cinco de Mayo, as celebrated here, is more about drinking than about history .

I feel the same way about St. Patrick's Day, my brothers...mi hermanos. Stay strong.

My civic duty...finally...

I have been unemployed for a long time. Depending on your point of view, it has been either five months, a year, or four long years. I prefer the first option, but that is still a l o n g time.

So imagine my ironic chuckle (no, it was a little louder than that) when, last week, I got a notice for jury duty starting May 23...the Monday I start my new job! Funny, sad, a chance to make $15 a day; take your pick.

Anyway, I just got off the phone with them, and they have an option to serve early. I am not doing much for the next couple weeks, so why not? Maybe they'll even pick me; it would be interesting to see the view from the box. If you're downtown Monday afternoon, I'll see you then!

Corny poker jokes

This one came out at our game this weekend; really more of a number joke than a poker joke, but having an 8 on the board will provide a nice visual (especially helpful for those players who have been imbibing fermented beverages):

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt. [rimshot]

If you have others, send them my way...I need more help distracting people while I play terrible, terrible hands for no explicable reason. Oy.

They have a POOL!

An old friend's blog turned me on to Google Maps, and I haven't decided if satellite imagery on demand is one of the coolest things I have found recently on the internet, or one of the creepiest. Either way, it is a LOT of fun!

I put in my old childhood address, and it turns out that whoever lives there now has a pool! Good for them; those hot Cleveland nights just begged for a pool, somewhere to sit and relax and watch the sun go down, the industrial wastes in the sky turning amazing shades of orange and purple...huh...so that's why I have asthma!

Super Sizing my viewing habits

I watch way too much television. You already know this about me. What you may not know is that I am rarely excited about an upcoming television show due to its premise. I'm normally a stickler for deep characters, well-crafted plots, and believable dialog. That, or The Apprentice.

But an upcoming show is exciting me on premise alone: 30 Days, a new series on FX starring Morgan Spurlock (of Super Size Me fame). I thought his documentary was fantastic, and a must-see for everybody regardless of how you feel about McDonald's. I especially think his movie is a must for anybody who (like me) read and enjoyed Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser. Spurlock's movie covers some of the same ground, but in a much more personal, here's-what-happened-to-me-make-your-own-decisions kind of way. (BTW, if you want a great example of the different styles of the two guys, make sure to watch Spurlock's interview with Schlosser in the DVD's extras; Schlosser never dismounts from his high horse during the interview, and apparently had his sense of humor removed one summer during high school).

One more television show added to the list. Where does the madness end?

"My Man Sean May"

If you doubt the veracity of this, ask my wife. In between rolling her eyes, she will confirm that, since November of last year, I have been saying two things:

1. North Carolina will win the NCAA tournament this year, AND
2. It will be on the shoulders of my man, Sean May!

A few minutes ago, both of my predictions came true. And although it wasn't quite enough to vault me into the winner's circle in our brackets pool, I am happy nonetheless. I have been excited about watching May (or "My Man Sean May," as I have called him for two seasons now, although much more this year) throughout the tournament, and there is no question he was the Most Outstanding Player of the tournament. I was also pleased that, as much as was made about my man Sean May's father, dad managed to hide from the cameras and let this be his son's (my man's) one shining moment. Classy.

If only this could have been a Tar Heel/EKU Colonel final matchup, but it wasn't meant to be. Maybe next year.

You got your childhood toys in my childhood fantasies...

How could this game not be fun?

Seriously, I'm asking you.

11:36 to go

Well, I guess it was better than I could have hoped: due to geographic programming decisions, my local CBS station just switched over to the Pacific/Pittsburgh match, meaning I only got to watch a little over eight minutes of my EKU Colonels against the Kentucky Wildcats.

Still, got to see that much, and what I saw looked pretty good. Hopefully, they will continue to play the Cats tight, which could lead to positive national coverage, which could lead to higher levels of recruiting, which means it won't be another twenty six years before the Colonels dance again!

...Now I am the Master!

I use Darth Vader's line to highlight my intense excitement over the UK/EKU matchup in the first round of the NCAA Championships. Based on my very limited understanding of the RPI, I knew my Colonels would get a 15 seed at best, and with it their chances for national exposure were slim to none.

Until now.

Now, though, the drama is palpable, and the story writes itself: Travis Ford, now coach of the upstart Colonels, faces his mentor Tubby Smith, coach of Ford's alma mater and the team Ford went with to the Big Dance. Two Kentucky schools, less than 30 miles apart, one a national powerhouse who has recently been struggling; the other, a small school whose program has gotten stronger year after year.

I could not be more excited. This is what March Madness is all about, and this is why the NCAA tournament is the greatest sporting event of the year.

If you need me Thursday morning, you know where to find me.

Dancing Colonels!

If I may share some Colonel pride, my undergraduate alma mater, Eastern Kentucky University, this weekend hit some basketball milestones. Both the men's and women's teams won their respective Ohio Valley Conference championships, a first in school history. For both, this assures automatic bids to the NCAA championship tournament, or March Madness, as the kids call it.

For the men's team, this is the first time since 1979 that they have been to the Big Dance. Additionally, their 22-8 record (11-5 in conference) is their best record in school history. On the women's side, this conference win punches the Lady Colonel's ticket to the Madness for only the second time in school history.

After watching the EKU game on ESPN2 yesterday, I really hope they get some rest before the tournament starts, because they looked tired. However, I have full faith that Travis Ford will get them ready for the Madness, and I have already filled out my brackets: EKU is going to St. Louis, baby!

SO proud!

My wife went to Las Vegas last week for a conference (at least, she said it was for a conference...wait a minute!), and while there, found time to enter an actual Texas Hold 'Em tournament in the Mandalay Bay poker room! How cool is that! From a field of thirty players, she made it to the final table, eventually being put out just three people before making it into the money. I was three people away from becoming a trophy husband. Damn.

More importantly, she felt she had good cards (pocket Aces on the second hand!), and most importantly, she felt she played well. She said her shining moment was when, at the first table, she built such a huge chip lead that she was making change for everyone at the table. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

Final note: she thinks that our weekend game has prepared us well, and she says we are ready to make the jump into some (small) local tournaments. Bay 101, here we come!

Mom breaks her leg...again!

My mom's newest play opened last week, and runs through the end of February. She is part of the cast of Quilters, a musical by Molly Newman and Barbara Damashek, being performed at the Actor's Guild of Lexington. On their website, you can read about the play, as well as read about and meet the cast (including some fantastic headshots of my mom!).

Also, the Lexington Herald-Leader, the local newspaper, reviewed the play at the final preview before opening night. Please note that although the reviewer apparently wasn't too fond of the staging, he liked the cast a lot, including my mom, a "local stage favorite." Very nice!

Continue to break your leg, Mom!