Ahhhh...

My wife gave me a wonderful surprise this weekend: a trip to San Francisco! It's a fun city; I highly recommend it.

What was great about playing tourist for the weekend was that the simple act of getting out of the house made all the difference in the world. We checked into a swanky hotel, did the tourist thing, relaxed, and then had a fantastic meal before calling it a night.

Very relaxing, very fun, and after the last few weeks (which have involved a car accident and our hot water heater going kaput), very appreciated!

Lost?

If you enjoyed the season finale of Lost as much as we did, and if you are equally as confused as we all are, the Lostpedia is a fantastic way to get sucked into the twists and turns of your favorite passengers of flight 815. If nothing else, it's a great way to catch up over the summer while we await season three. Also, the official website of the Hanso Foundation is a lot of fun, too. Namaste!

BTW, if you work at our Thai delivery place, and were wondering why we didn't call this past Wednesday, it's because the season is over. I promise, we're okay.

Brendon to Breakers

I ran 7.5 miles this last Sunday in the Bay To Breakers 12K race. Didn't break any world records, but I didn't break anything else AND I finished, and that's a record for me.

Yay, me!

Scrubs must die

After last night's sappy, thin season finale episodes, I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that it is time to retire Scrubs. It has been a fun show, I have enjoyed the wacky antics, and I admit that I would probably pay money to see Doctor Acula if it came out in theaters. But this last season has fallen into a formulaic syndrome that I found both sad and annoying: ten minutes of wacky, then sad music halfway through as we set up whatever lesson we're going to learn, back to wacky, and then finish with the overused song montage/voice-over to wrap things up with said lesson. Lazy.

During the finale, when they crammed a new relationship for JD into about fifteen minutes, and spent the rest of the time making penis jokes, I knew that the shark had officially been jumped. Time to go out on the highest note possible.

Oh...

I spent ten minutes this morning, looking all over our apartment for my belt. I got frustrated because I remembered where I had put it, remembered seeing it, and I just could not find it. I was convinced that my wife had moved it, and got a little more frustrated because of that.

Until she pointed out that I was wearing my belt.

I may need to start getting more sleep. And I probably owe her an apology.

New Google toy

By now, I imagine most people have had some fun playing with Google Maps (I got a kick out of the fact that, at some point, the owners of my former childhood home put in a pool...how many times, growing up, did I look out my back door and wish there was a pool?), so it is definitely time for a new toy.

Behold: Google Trends, for the hidden statistician (say that a few times fast) in all of us. If you need some explanation before diving right in (that smacks of reading directions, but I suppose some people enjoy such things), here is an article explaining how it works. If you are in need of a little geek-out time, you came to the right site. Enjoy.

Dirty, filthy Diana

We went to see the ballet Sylvia yesterday (by the way, if you are keeping count, that's two ballets in the last three weeks...that, and I wear a suit to work every day...what happened to me?), and overall, I was impressed. Like the others, I cannot stand it when they break the story to have a dance recital; this one was even worse, because not only did the story come to a grinding, screeching halt so the leads could have their solo time, but after they danced, they bowed to the audience! Why not just hold up "Applause" cards, and let the other dancers on stage drink coffee? My better half assures me this is normal for ballet, so the lead dancers can assert their alpha dog dominance over the others, but for me (the admittedly uninformed viewer), it is just boring and painful.

The interesting thing with yesterday's performance was that it was the last of the season for this particular show, so they let someone from the company (she's at the top of the window) dance the lead role. I am not sure if that means she is getting promoted, or if they were just throwing her a bone on the last day; either way, she was okay, but the male lead and the principal in the role of Diana were definitely the showstoppers.

Close, but no steroid-laced cigar

We went to a Giants game on Sunday. If you know me, you know that I am such a die-hard baseball fan that it would take me a minute to remember who they played, but I can tell you that I did eat a hotdog, and I did manage to get an awkward sunburn on the top part of one of my arms, leaving the rest of me nice and pasty. Sweet.

What I did not get to see was Barry Bonds hit a homerun. Even if you think baseball is as boring as I do, you are probably aware that he is closing in on Babe Ruth's record (714), and with last night's shot, is now within two hits of tying the Babe. Barry did hit one out to the wall late in the game, which got everyone on their feet, but that's as close as he came while we were there.

By the way, there was something oddly fascinating about seeing thousands of people with cellphones in hand when Barry was at the plate; we have become the paparazzi.

The Great Quake remembered

Not sure how much national press this is getting, but today the City is commemorating the 100th anniversary of the 1906 earthquake that devastated not only San Francisco, but towns up and down the coast. This site has some very interesting articles, photos, and videos about not only the earthquake, but also the resulting fires that destroyed the City, and the subsequent rebuilding efforts.

And, just to add the element of fear, here is an article that estimates the amount of damage a similar quake would have today, and here is a link to some new maps that show the liquefaction (when solid ground becomes sandy liquid due to the shaking of a large quake) risk when the next big one hits. Neat.

Celebrating the resurrection of Christ with hot man-on-man action

The subject line is one way of looking at my trip to the ballet on Easter Sunday to see the touring company of Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake. This version puts an new twist on the classic Tchaikovsky ballet, and while I admit that I have not seen the old version, after having read the synopsis, I am glad that I never did. The classic version sounds pretty stodgy, and while the new version certainly had its slow moments (the second act looked like a recital at a dance school, with various groups of swans running on stage to do their act, then running off, and the third act had a similar scene at a party where various groups of dancers had to get in their "solo" time), it had funny parts, sad parts, kept my interest, and even included what had to be the best dance combination ever: disco ballet!

Maybe if Antonio Banderas had taught that combination to sassy inner-city kids, his movie wouldn't have flopped.

Excellent...

Exactly...

Is it just me?

Any time I don't really enjoy something that seems universally praised, I have a bad habit of asking myself: did I just not get it? But then I also sometimes wonder: when art is so widely praised, is it because others have asked themselves that same question, and continue said praise so as to avoid looking like they didn't get it?

I call this the Thin Red Line syndrome.

I have shades of this syndrome after finishing The History of Love, by Nicole Krauss. I really liked Leo, one of the main characters, but have to admit to being tired of the lots-of-different-storylines-coming-together-at-the-end thing that seems to have plagued literature in recent years. I was not overly impressed by the book as a whole, and certainly never found myself "vertiginously excit[ed]," but again, maybe you have to be a critic to get that excited about a novel? Tough call.

For me, I'll give this book a C+; I finished it, and I enjoyed looking at the world through Leo's eyes, but overall, I feel this book is overhyped.

[yawn]

What happened this year? There are always some fun upsets and buzzer beaters in the first round, but I don't remember a year of March Madness where the Final Four and championship games were all so god-awful boring. Twenty-point routs I expect in a 1-16 matchup, not in the Final Four.

But no worries, NCAA...we'll be back next year.

WOW!

Just watched the season finale of The Shield (we taped it last week, and are just now getting around to it...I realize this makes me sound incredibly old, but I just can't stay up that late to watch it, and we don't have TiVo...damn it!), and I still believe that it is consistently the best drama on television. I realize that there is another show that some people may vote for in that category, but I don't have HBO, so my voting field is narrower.

Can't wait for next season.

George Who?

Yeah, I had never heard of them either, but they have certainly made all of us take notice. Here is their athletic site, here is their university's main page, and here is a historical information page where you can learn more about the man behind the name.

How to kill your office copier AND win your office pool

Ahhh...so this is how to win in March.

I love it when a plan comes together.

Three more down...

Finished the Dublin (California) St. Pat's Day 5K yesterday; the good news is that I (a) finished, (b) am not too sore this morning, and (c) got the cool t-shirt I can send to my brother. The not-as-good news is that I was not in top form: I mananged to run the first mile, as usual, but then was in some somewhat serious ankle/leg pain for the second and part of the third mile. I have been using the recent weather as a great excuse not to get out and run in the mornings for the past several weeks leading up to yesterday's race, and it showed.

Time to step it up if I'm going to be ready for May.

Hey, Malkovich! You suck!

Is this real? If it was any other actor, I would automatically say yes, but Malkovich...?

p.s. if you are looking at this while at work, don't click on the t-shirt models...not something you want people to see over your shoulder.

Worst. Bracket. Ever.

"Eh." That was my general feeling yesterday when we watched the Brackets get announced, and realized that NONE of the teams in the dance that we would like to see are in our region. Is that looking a gift horse dead in his smelly mouth? Maybe. Am I still thrilled that next week I will be seeing some Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight games live? You bet.

But do I wish that we were going to have a chance to see several other teams in person? Yeah.

Hell, I was even hoping to see the Scooby Doos.

Drink and Fight!

WAY too funny, and her willingness to do this is a large part of the reason I think Natalie is fantastic. WHAT?!

No Shining Moment

My Colonels, who won the OVC tournament last year and thus secured their first NCAA tournament bid in decades, got stomped in the opening round of the OVC tournament last night, thus ending their hopes for a return to the Big Dance.

Travis, why did you leave?

About time!

Finally, our pets will start earning their keep! They have been sleeping and eating for free long enough; it's about time they became contributing members of the household.

Not Chalmers

I had some free time this evening, and started trying to track down the answer to a question I had while watching Avenue Q last week at the Wynn: did the producers of this show have to pay Gary Coleman to keep him from suing them?

In the course of trying to track down that answer, I found this fascinating site that, for anyone who wants the purest distillation of a celebrity's Q Rating into dollars (and said celebrity's willingness to talk to you for said dollars), is truly fun to search through.

By the way, I haven't found my answer yet, but given that Gary's speaking fees don't even come in at the $5K level, my guess is the producers of the show probably gave Gary some sandwiches...and told him no, he could not play himself!

A Movie Slowly

About a year ago, I was excited to see a preview for a movie version of Philip K. Dick's A Scanner Darkly, allegedly coming out last summer/fall. I really enjoyed the book, and was interested in seeing how they would use a combination of live-action and animation to differentiate between the split personalities of the lead character. I waited.

And waited.

Here we are, well into 2006, and still no movie. I found this article that explains some of the problems they were (and are still) having; even if you haven't heard of the book, it is an interesting look at the nexus that increasingly exists between film making as an art and as a technical process (as well as the studio process that funds both, and how their constraints affect the overall project). An interesting read.

How I love the Fertile Valleys!

That's what my Spanish dictionary says "Las Vegas" actually means. Huh.

We just got back from our latest Vegas escapade, and it was a great trip. We got upgraded to a suite at our hotel, which included both a whirlpool jacuzzi and fantastic view right down the Strip. We saw a hilarious show, which made me laugh out loud (as well as question my career path; I should have been a puppeteer!) for the whole shortened production. And of course, we ate way too much.

But best of all, we played a lot of poker. In the five tournaments we managed to play in, I made the final table three times, with one money finish (3rd). My better half made two final tables, with one money finish (also 3rd). But best of all, if you add up all of our buy-ins, and then balance that against our winnings, we lost a grand total of $13 dollars. Between the two of us. Over three days, or about 11 hours of total playing time.

That's a win in my book.

So close...

Played in an online poker tournament last night, and did really well...but not well enough. Managed to make it to fourth place; good, right? The painful part? Prize money was only awarded to the top three.

I think I would have rather been put out in 256th place and gotten the extra sleep.

Same reason Seinfeld returned the blazer...

Last night's episode of Lost [WARNING: that link has spoilers, but also some cool side notes, esp. about the waitress!] reminded me of why I not only love this show, but the whole stranded-on-an-island motif ala Lord of the Flies: how much of our behavior is influenced/controlled by laws and society, and how much is influenced by our own moral code? More to the point: if the laws were not enforced, would you still obey them?

The show has done a wonderful job of filling in the backstories, but I am pleased to see that since we now know everyone a little better, we are moving forward. After all, by my count, these people have lived on this island for about two months now, and while I (somewhat) believe that the immediate shock of the plane crash and the instinct for survival may have allowed the island dwellers to work together for a while, the frayed edges are finally starting to poke out, and that is where I think this show is going to go to a whole new level of interesting.

Flying away on a wing and a prayer...

My brother has been awarded the highest honor in the Louisville Fire Department, and at least two local newspapers were on hand to report the story. Both articles include pictures, and even though the Louisville article is more about the fire department as a whole (as opposed to the local Bardstown article that is just about Brian), I won't hold it against them.

I am not sure what I am more proud of: my brother's actions in the line of duty, or his sweet new 'stache!

Louisville Courier-Journal: Firefighters honored for valiant work

The Kentucky Standard: Local man becomes Louisville fire hero

BTW, I'm more proud of his actions...but that 'stache comes in a close second!

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

I celebrated Chinese New Year yesterday by completing the Chinatown YMCA Year of the Dog 5K, and I am pleased to say that it went as planned: ran the first mile, walked the second, and ran the third. I did this one about five minutes faster than the one back in November, which probably doesn't mean a whole lot (this one had a couple of downhill parts), but it made me feel good (esp. after the corresponding uphill parts).

What didn't make me feel as good was the large number of dogs with race numbers...who beat me. This particularly cheeky husky kept glancing back at me with this look that seemed to say, "Really? That's the best you've got? I've had five litters of puppies, for Christ's sake!" Bitch.

And we live on Av...Goodnight!

Earlier this week, I was reading this article in Newsweek about the failure of Broadway shows in Vegas, and how new and existing shows are "trimming down," meaning they are cutting out intermissions and even editing out some content to get the overall running time down to an all-American hour and half. I mentioned this to my wife, and we agreed that we sure hope things are okay for our trip in February, since we've already purchased tix to see Avenue Q.

Guess who called yesterday? A helpful operator from the Wynn, asking us which other performance we'd rather see, since they are canceling the one we reserved, cutting the number of shows they perform per week, and eliminating the intermission. The operator assured us that they are not losing content, but of course, I've never seen the show, so how the hell would I know, anyway?

Those puppets are going to get a piece of my mind. Excuse me...Felt Americans.

Strutting with Ron

Added some good 70s funk to my iPod this weekend. Groovy.

This morning, while I was coming up out of the BART and walking down the gray streets of Oakland, the random song that popped up was "Superfly," by Curtis Mayfield. Groovier.

Now, if you've seen the movie, you know that it (like Shaft before it) starts with Ron O'Neal strutting down the gray streets of New York. Super groovy.

Am I super fly? No. Am I even a little fly? Probably not. But did I strut just a little as I listened to the song, imagining myself in the lead role as the credits rolled by, and therefore, for one shining moment, was myself a little groovy? You bet.

Dreamworld of magic

Saw The Chronicles of Narnia yesterday; going in, we all agreed that we had memories of having read the books as children, but to a person, we couldn't remember a single specific detail. The movie is good: entertaining, escapist fun. The Christian imagery is certainly there, but not so overpowering or annoying that it gets in the way if you aren't looking for it to get in the way. And the CGI is actually pretty good, given that the characters are actual animals, rather than poorly drawn racial stereotypes. George, I'm looking at you.

My only regret? We got to the theater too late to go to the concessions stand, where I would have made a "Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equal crazy delicious" comment. That would have been gold!

Where's Meadowlark?

I am 98% sure I saw the Harlem Globetrotters this morning. Here is a list of my reasons why I think I saw the Harlem Globetrotters:

1) When I came up out of the subway, I saw three extremely tall men, all wearing Harlem Globetrotters warmups.

2) They were standing in front of a huge tour bus that was painted all over with the words "Harlem Globetrotters."

3) A young child walked up to the tall men and asked, "Are you the Harlem Globetrotters?" Two of the men said yes, and proceeded to give the kid their autographs on official Harlem Globetrotters team photos.

This is why I think I saw the Harlem Globetrotters this morning. Cool.

Roller Coaster Monday

Monday was a good day. I thought it was going to be just awful, but then things turned around, and partly due to my low expectations, it turned out great.

To start, I handled a trial that should not have been a trial: there were no real legal issues, but instead a parent wanted to take the stand and talk about what bad kid the minor was, and the minor wanted to take the stand and talk about what a bad person the parent was. I am not usually in the mood to allow families to waste court time and resources so they can act out their favorite scenes from The Jerry Springer Show, so I was dreading going in there and trying to settle it. I also ended up coming into the office on Sunday (a big government lawyer no-no) to prepare for Monday, doubling my displeasure. Not off to a good start.

But then things took a turn. I was able to talk the parent into settling, I got what the minor wanted/needed, and things only disintegrated into reality television in the hallway, not in the court room. Very nice.

Then, on the way back to the office, I spotted what looked like a dollar bill on the sidewalk. I looked around to see if anybody was walking by who may have dropped it, but I was alone. I bent down to pick it up, and that wasn't Washington looking at me, but Jackson giving me a little wink. Not wanting to offend the seventh president (he once killed a man for insulting his wife; the least I could do was spend him!), I offered him a ride...in my wallet.

When I got to the office, two lawyers I work with, but who work in another court (and therefore I don't know them as well as I'd like), asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I had settled my case, had an extra 20 spot in my pocket, so absolutely! We had a nice chat, blew off some steam, and I was able to subsidize a large portion of our salads.

Like Ice Cube said...today was a good day...

Happy New Year to me!

How did I spend my New Year's day? Playing in an online poker tournament, of course...but this time, I actually "monied," coming in second place out of a field of 686. A very fun way to spend a rainy evening.

The tournament lasted about 3.5 hours, and for all of that, my share of the prize pool was...$6. That's not a typo: six bucks. It was a free tournament that only paid the top three places, and we split $20. So if you do the math, I earned approximately $1.72/hour yesterday. I think they pay better in prison.

The good part is that I had a lot of fun. The better part is that I won a couple bucks for free. But the best part is that now I can play a couple paid tournaments (emphasis on "couple") with their money. Game on!

The 2005 Esqys

Everyone else makes a list at the end of a year...why not me? The following is a list of awards I am presenting to myself, covering the best and worst of the closing year. I'm an odds-on favorite in most categories.

Best purchase of 2005 = my iPod shuffle. It has made commuting not only bearable, but downright funky at times.

Runner up = our new Apple computer (purchased shortly after we realized our old computer was three operating systems behind the minimum needed to work an iPod...geesh...)

Best trip of 2005 = our anniversary weekend in Calistoga (which, as of today, is under like 6 feet of water...guess we shouldn't have sacrificed all of those goats to Baal).

Best book I read this year = Beasts of No Nation, by Uzodinma Iweala. Powerful, horrifying, and fast-paced all at the same time; I could not put this book down, even though certain passages made me want to cry.

Best new habit = running (even though I haven't been going as often as I should)

Second best new habit = haircuts (even though I haven't been going as often as I should)

Most fun/potentially troubling new habit = online poker (so far, I am only playing the free tournaments...so far...)

What should probably be considered my best new habit = working again.

Lifetime Achievement Award = George Lucas. No series of movies has impacted my life more than the Star Wars saga, and by wrapping up the series in a (mostly) satisfactory fashion this past summer, I can now look forward to finding something else to occupy my downtime. TK421, why aren't you at your post?

Hope 2005 was a good year for you; it was a banner year for me. See you in 2006, and remember to nominate your favorites for next year's awards!

Hundreds of fools and their money...

If only the internet had been around when I was in undergrad, I could have done this to pay for college instead of all those pesky part-time jobs, grants, and student loans. Here's the page itself, if you want to take a look...I have to admit, pretty clever.

By the way, I am proud to report that, as 2005 comes to an end, so do those pesky undergrad student loans! With today's paycheck, I will make my final payment to Sallie Mae and officially close out my account with them for the loans that helped propel me through EKU (in conjunction with the aforementioned jobs and grants). I was on the ten year payment plan, and did it in a little over six, thus depriving SM of at least a little of their hoped-for interest. It couldn't have happened to nicer people.

Feliz Navidad!

Had a wonderful brunch this morning; all the fun of eating with good friends, and no one had to cook or clean up. Doesn't get much better than that.

While we were sitting there, laughing and talking, I was reminded of something that happened a few weeks ago coming home on the train. A woman was wondering where to get off to go to the new De Young, so she asks...the homeless guy. Not a lot of transit experience, I'm guessing. Anyway, this guy not only tells her (accurately) how to get to the De Young, but how to get to other SF museums, when they are open for free, how he has been going to them since he was a kid, and speaking of when he was a kid, how he raised a rooster as a young boy, and how it was a very pretty rooster, even though it liked to fight...you get the idea. This went on for an uncomfortable twenty minutes or so.

Eventually, the lady got off at her stop, and so the homeless guy's attention shifted...to me. It was tough to avoid him, so I nodded politely, throwing in an occasional small comment ("It liked to fight...you mentioned that, yes"), until he finally got to his stop. As he exited the train, he stopped, looked at me, and said, "Thank you for talking to me...most people just ignore me."

It was a good reminder to me of just how lucky I am; I have regular, meaningful human contact with people I love and care about, something I take for granted occasionally, but something a lot of people simply don't have.

I hope you had a nice holiday weekend, and I hope you had a chance to spend it with people you love.

You can't handle the truth!

I had my first full-blown trial yesterday: entering evidence, cross-examining witnesses, objections, the whole thing. Very cool. The judge ruled the way I wanted her to (in dependency law, I don't think there are usually "winners"), and I think I did a good job. Definitely learned a lot as well, not only about opposing counsel and the judge (both filed away for the future), but about my own style and areas I need to brush up on (my objections weren't as smooth as I would like them to be).

Unfortunatley, unlike my Moot Court experience, I did not have the opportunity to work Phil Hartman's Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer character into my closing argument. Maybe next time.

Not bad!

Yesterday morning I completed the Run to the Far Side 5K. I was pretty pleased with my results; my time wasn't great, but I wasn't really out to break any records, anyway. I was happy because I ran the first whole mile, walked the second, and then "ran" (read: jogged slightly faster than a walk) the third mile to the end. Considering my normal running routine is one mile, I was a little worried I wouldn't be able to run much past the first, but taking the second mile to catch my breath (and allow my shins to stop burning) was a good idea. Very cool.

There were photographers shooting everyone at the finish line; they email you based on your bib number and ask you to buy copies. I saw them as I approached the finish, and tried for an appropriate "determined but not in too much pain" look on my face. I think I pulled it off, but all the people walking in the background may give me away. If I get a picture, I will ask my friend Jen how to post it on this blog.

Three miles down...many more to go...

Torture, not dissent, is unAmerican

I don't put a lot of political thoughts on this site, but this article, written by John McCain and outlining his thoughts on why it goes against what America is supposed to stand for if we allow the use of torture on our prisoners, should be required reading for everyone, especially that handful of old men who temporarily run our country and dare to call dissent or political dialog unpatriotic. One of their own finally says something I can (mostly) agree with.

Three cavities! (alt. title: No sympathy, no doubt)

Went to the dentist today for the first time in [mumble], and I was shocked to learn I have THREE CAVITIES! For those of you in the real world, this may seem like nothing, but you have to know something about me: I am in my 30s now, and I have NEVER HAD A CAVITY BEFORE. When the doctor brought in my X-rays, he asked me, "Where are your fillings?" I took it as a note of pride that my teeth were au naturel in their little photos, but then after my cleaning (btw, the sonic thing they use is much better than I remember from my last visit to the dentist), he dropped the bomb on me. Damn.

Anyway, other than that, things look good in my mouth, in case you were wondering. If you see me soon, ask to take a look; showings are every hour on the hour.

Oooh...it arrived in Secaucus!

Is there a nerdier (and yet, for some reason for me right now, more satisfying) pleasure than my recent obsession with package tracking? Probably not, but if there is, let me know, because I'm a man who loves watching packages move across this humongous nation of ours.

Some men are born great...

Saw a fantastic version of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night last evening; the best part was that it was performed in American Sign Language. It really added a new dimension to the performance: the actors on stage signed the play, while voice actors off stage verbalized the dialog. The result was that Shakespeare, normally an oral experience with word play, also became a visual experience as the word play was both seen and heard. Truly amazing, and honestly made Shakespeare more exciting and accessible. Highly recommended!

One of the coolest parts was seeing the reaction of the deaf audience; they were enthralled, and it occurred to me that they probably don't have the chance to "see" Shakespeare that often. I loved applauding in ASL; it's a lot like jazz hands...and who doesn't love jazz hands?

Southwest Sychology

If you have flown Southwest Airlines, you know they do seating on a first-come-first-served basis...sort of. Actually, they break passengers into four groups: preboard, and then A, B, and C, and have handy "line markers" outside of every gate so you know where you will line up according to the letter on your boarding pass.

And that's where the fun begins. I have flown SWA a few times now, and I am always fascinated at the human nature on display when it comes to lines. There are always the Line Nazis, the people that want to line up as early as possible. These people annoy me because they start the whole problem of having to line up as early as possible, rather than getting to stay seated. Then there are the Line Breakers, people who line up, but intentionally do it in a non-linear fashion (say, off to the side, or stay seated but put their luggage in...not cool in today's airports). These people are even more annoying, because they are really Line Nazis in disguise, just not as honest: their place in line matters, but they go out of their way to make it look like they don't care. The final group, the Line Wanderers, actually fall into two sub-categories: the Confused, who either have never flown SWA before, or have never entered human society before and have therefore never stood in line, and so wait until the flight is called, then obliviously stroll to the front of the line, freaking out the Nazis and outing the Breakers, who get just as pissed. Then there's the Refusniks, who stay seated and pretend not to see the line, or make fun of the line, and just sigh, roll their eyes, and get at the end of the line when it's their turn.

The next time you fly, try Southwest...it's as close to a legal Skinner Box as you'll probably get these days.

Wow, that's...different...

So I got a letter in the interoffice mail yesterday from my boss boss (not my office boss, her boss); a little nerve wracking, I suppose. Still, I think I've been doing a good job, so no worries, right?

Inside, it says I'm getting a raise. Turns out that during my two-year probationary period, I get a performance review every six months. If I am doing poorly, they can fire me. If I am doing well, they say nice things to me and give me more money. Huh.

Being a former classroom teacher, I was completely unprepared for this. It's bad enough I still don't have the hang of taking vacation time, but now you're giving me more money?

Wow.

Netflix: My savior

I know that it is becoming cliche to talk about why people aren't going to the movies anymore, but I must add myself to that list. I don't want to lock myself up at home and avoid human contact, but I do want to avoid the humans I ran into at the movies yesterday.

We went to see A History of Violence (btw, good movie...not great, but good) at the Century 20 in Daly City. Maybe I should have expected it at a megaplex, maybe I should have expected it on a Sunday afternoon, maybe I should have expected it in Daly City, but the whole experience was just awful. People walking around, talking in normal volume, cell phones going off, and worst of all, people "theater hopping" (i.e. walking into various theaters, watching for 10-15 minutes, then moving on). I had no idea your ticket price allows you to be a nomad for the afternoon, watching a little bit of everything. I guess the high ticket prices reflect this movie-buffet-all-you-can-watch mentality.

So I move one step closer to hermitage. Time to update my queue.

Just a taste

I was alternately thrilled and disappointed with ESPN's decision to broadcast a portion of Midnight Madness last Friday: excited to see the Wildcats break the attendance record, disappointed that it was used by ESPN as an infomercial for their new ESPNU channel. Jerks.

Still, fun to see college basketball again, although when the commentators were talking about UK's big wins last season, I notice they didn't mention the first round squeaker against my beloved Colonels? They're scared, I tells ya! Scared!

I looked in the trap, Ray

Tried a new haircutter today (there are literally at least six different places within a few blocks of my house, so figured I shouldn't lock myself in at the beginning of my new hobby), and it was very nice. Nothing against the guy who sheared me last time, but there was something this time he couldn't offer, and it is best explained by paraphrasing from the movie Ghostbusters:

When the hot asian girl asks you if you want to go to the back for a "rinse off," you say, "Yes!"

Before you get concerned about my marriage, it was just that: she rinsed my head. Still, a nice touch, and one that will keep me going back. Just don't tell my wife.

In a world...

Tired of shmaltzy movie trailers? Tired of shmaltzy movie trailers that look exactly like every other shmaltzy movie trailer? So was whoever made this.

[since I got the link from one Alabama friend, I thought it only fitting to get the title of this post from another Alabama friend]

Feels like the first time

Last night, we went to the opera for the first time. It was an interesting choice for a first opera: the very modern, world-premiere production of Doctor Atomic. The site sums it up better than I can, but in short, it is set in 1945 New Mexico as scientists race to build, test, and possibly use the first atomic weapon. The plot centers around the moral issues involved in building the weapon, its use on other humans, and the genuine fear of simply not really knowing what it would actually do (the opera makes reference to a theory that it could have potentially ignited the atmosphere, literally killing the world).

We were invited as guests of the director (felt semi-important for a minute there!) to the final dress rehearsal, so there were producers scurrying around throughout the performance, checking light and sound levels, making copious notes, and generally taking me out of the moment. The music is amazing: it is beautiful and soft one moment, then discordant and angry the next. Many of the vocalists were clearly not going "full volume" for the final dress, so it was tough to understand them sometimes, but Gerald Finley, in the role of Robert Oppenheimer, was outstanding.

We are thinking that we now need to go see something a little more classical before we make our final judgment on whether we can be "opera people," but this was certainly a fascinating introduction.

I see London, I see France...

Today was an example of bad planning turning into some fun. We thought about going downtown to test-drive a car, and hopped on the train. As the stops went by, more and more people wearing leather and little else were getting on. Pretty sure that there wasn't a Village People reunion concert going on, we started to realize that the odds of driving anywhere downtown were nil: it was Folsom Street Fair weekend, and that means several blocks of downtown shut down for the leather-and-chain clad masses.

Or I should say, leather-and-chain clad masses if you are lucky. To get your ticket/sticker to enter, you have to walk past the "No Nudity" sign to the topless girl selling the stickers. Ahem. Once past the ticket booth, it was literally anything goes: I can't even imagine the level of self-confidence involved in walking around wearing nothing but a leather hat, shackles, and flip-flops, but there were dozens of people who could clearly answer that question. I think my favorite part was seeing the line of people waiting to get spanked for a donation of at least $5 to a Hurricane Katrina relief fund. I love this city.

Didn't get to test drive the car due to the street closures, but certainly didn't go away bored! We also found this cool Spanish restaurant that had amazing tapas and some of the best sangria we've had in a long while. It's cool to eat the fruit out of the wine glass, right?

Good afternoon.

Litter or recycling?

I have been watching an interesting phenomenon on the train recently: people littering, and doing so completely free of guilt. Here's what they do: as they finish a section of the newspaper, they fold it up, and drop it on the floor under their seat. I have seen this happen a few times, and finally asked this guy who had just dropped the financial section of the Chronicle under a BART seat. His response: he was leaving it for someone else to read. I asked him if he got it off the floor originally, and he said no. So I asked the next Larry David-esque question: would you ever pick up a newspaper off the floor of the train? He looked at me like I was being a jerk (he was partially right, in that I broke a cardinal rule of transit ettiquette: don't speak. However, I really did wonder if he would), and then got off at his stop without answering.

Interesting.

Devil's haircut

Yesterday, I did something I haven't done in close to fifteen years: I got a haircut. If you know me, you know that during this past decade and a half, my hairstyles have been variations on the same theme: something that I could do at home with my own set of clippers. Therefore, I invested in a $20 set of clippers lo those many years ago, and have been cutting my own hair since.

Why the change, you ask? Not sure I could tell you exactly. Part of it deals with our bathroom: there is only one outlet, and it is so old that the plug falls out, meaning I have to hold the plug in with one hand while I cut with the other. Awkward, to say the least. Related to that is the idea then of where I have to cut my own hair: I usually did it in the shower (always a good idea to take an electric device into the shower, kids!), but due to the outlet, I was cutting it over the sink, which was just messy and annoying. Honestly, though, I think I was also just tired of cutting my own damn hair.

So the streak is over. I paid $10 (outrageous!) for the cut at a little salon down the street, which was far better than the $18 (scandalous!) the barber shop next door wanted. And, I have to admit, it was nice. No clean up, nice and neat, even the neck looks good.

Might have to go back before 2020.

Sex shy, take two

So last night, I watched the movie Kinsey, figuring that since I had just finished reading the below-reviewed book, I would compare it with another fictionalized version of Prok's life. It should be noted that the movie is told from Kinsey's point of view, whereas the book was from the POV of one of his interviewers.

There were a lot of similarities, but the most striking difference was the portrayal of Kinsey himself. In the movie, Prok is shown as a more compassionate person, laughing, understanding that love is important, struggling with his father, etc. In the book, the opposite was true: Prok was a domineering, overbearing taskmaster who drove his team and all those around him with imperious precision.

I don't know which is true, or if the real man (as is probably often the case) was a combination of both, but one scene that occurs in both the book and movie was very telling: Kinsey having sex with his male researcher. In the book, Kinsey is clearly the aggressor, beginning choreographing, and guiding the affair from the beginning as sort of a "test" to see if indeed the young interviewer will be effective and not "sex shy." However, the movie plays the same scene very differently: Kinsey is hit on by his interviewer, and is shown to go along , albeit somewhat reluctantly, with the young man's advances.

Is it an important distinction? My guess is that there was an actual affair between the two men. However, for the movie version, I'm guessing the producers felt that the idea of their leading man Liam Neeson seducing a younger man may have been too much for the audience? Ironic, given the subject matter and content of the film, and an unfortunately short-sighted decision, given what Kinsey himself was trying to promote.

Sex shy

Just finished The Inner Circle, T.C. Boyle's fictionalization of Dr. Kinsey and the beginnings of the Kinsey Institute in the 1940s. Interesting read, and I liked the writer's choice to mirror Kinsey's own research style; this novel is all about sex research, and yet the sex described is clinical, detached, and devoid of any excitement or romance. In my opinion, Boyle made a distinct choice to write a flat, passionless (dare I say flaccid?) book to show the main flaw with Kinsey's own research: sex is more than statistics and fluids, it's about excitement and raw emotions. It made the book annoying to read at times, but it was an interesting stylistic choice.

Good read, although I'll admit sometimes I wondered if anyone was reading over my shoulder and what they thought of me. Then I wondered what Kinsey would have thought of me getting embarrassed about what other people thought of me. Then, to quote Kevin Nealon, suddenly I lost interest. I'll give it a solid B: good read, interesting subject, great style choice by the writer.

Food affair?

I got home very late last night, and was both ravenously hungry and so tired I couldn't imagine cooking. So I picked up some Thai take-out and was walking home...when I ran into Mr. Ha, owner of our favorite Chinese restaurant on the block. He looked down, saw the take out bags that clearly were from some other establishment, looked up at me, and (this could have been my overactive imagination) I could have sworn I saw a brief look of disappointment flit across his face before he smiled and we engaged in small talk, all the while completely ignoring the small pink bag I was carrying.

I felt a little dirty, and wanted to reassure him that it was a one-time thing, that their pad thai meant nothing to me, and that I would always love his basil chicken in the future, first and foremost. But it all went unsaid.

What video games say about my mood

If you are curious, my Xbox game du jour is Destroy All Humans!, a fun-filled romp through 1950's America trying to...well, to do exactly what the title suggests. No false advertising for this one.

Not sure I like what this says about where my head is at recently, but I guess it's better to take out my frustrations on pixels and bits than on my idiot neighbors or the moron who keeps parking in front of my driveway.

Yabba Dabba Doofus

We bought an iPod this weekend; if you look at your calendar, you will notice that we are about two years behind the trend, which is actually pretty fast for us. Our only far right tendencies are our position on the bell curve when it comes to keeping up with current technology (we still use dial-up, we got our first DVD player last December, etc.).

In the past, it hasn't been that big of a deal. But then we brought our new little toy home...and got stopped cold. It turns out that our Windows operating system is two systems behind the minimum needed to operate an iPod, our USB port is too slow, etc. I asked the pterodactyl inside the hard drive for help, but couldn't hear his answer over the wooly mammoth vacuum cleaner.

BTW, in case you were wondering, yes, I felt very old just buying the damn thing. Even the bag made me feel bad; it is designed to be worn like a backpack, unless you look like me. Then it is designed to be carried awkwardly in both hands, like a combination of nuclear waste and a present for the grandkids.

Get ur Freak on...

I don't review many books on this blog, but I should, so I thought I'd start with a book I finished on the train yesterday. Freakonomics, by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner, is an odd ride through the correlation between seemingly unconnected events in our world. I was impressed that they even tried to connect the dots between things as (seemingly) disparate as Roe v. Wade's impact on crime years later, and while I think they jump to several unsubstantiated conclusions with the greatest of ease, I enjoyed the writing style and moved through it quickly. I will share also that there is little to no "hard" economics, so if you are a math-phobe like me, you'll be just fine.

Since I'm an ex-teacher, I'll go with grades: I give this book a solid B for being thought provoking and entertaining, if a little quick to make assumptions. Good effort.

The City of Pride and Purpose

I went to visit a client in Richmond yesterday, lately of Coach Carter fame. In the 15-20 minutes it took to drive off the highway and to my client's house, I witnessed the following:

1. A large fight down a side street, which looked like it involved at least five young men, arms and legs swinging.
2. An almost-fight at the gas station, in which the gentleman in front of me and the cashier got into a huge profanity-laden argument, resulting in the cashier coming out of his bullet-proof booth with a baseball bat, and the gentleman in front of me reaching into his jacket, but then apologizing to me and the two small children behind me in line, turning, and leaving. [cue release of breath]
3. Four loud pops in succession (which I am trying hard to pretend were firecrackers), followed a few minutes later by four racing Richmond police cars, three of which pulled into a housing unit, leaving the fourth to park across the entranceway, so no one could get in or out.

When I was in the gas station, the little kids helped me pick out a Vitamin Water (they said I should buy the Formula 50, because Fifty Cent [or, as I call him, "Fiddy"] advertises it). They were adorable, and very pleased that I made the right choice (btw, Fiddy makes a pretty good drink). I thought of them when I got back on the highway later and realized that I got to leave. They have to live there.

The Big Rake

We went to Vegas last weekend to celebrate a good friend's birthday, and we also managed to play in a poker tournament at the Luxor. Fantastic! The low-down:

It was a "freeze out" tournament, which means once you bought in, you played until you ran out of chips, and then you're out: no re-buys, no do-overs. For $33 in real money, each player received $350 in "poker" chips, meaningless blank chips you couldn't walk out with and cash in anywhere. We started with around 120 players (9 tables, 12 people per table, plus a lot of "alternates" who filled in the first openings as people went out in the first round).

I did well: made it to somewhere in the top 20, down to three half-full tables, but didn't get into the money (you had to make 7th and up for $). The star of the show, however, was my amazing wife, who was down to her last two chips, and then went on an "all-in" explosion, winning the next four hands and knocking out about 7 players in the process. She not only made the final table, she not only made top 7, she knocked out several more players and eventually went "heads up" against the only other player, eventually losing out on a final all-in.

Very exciting stuff! The Big Rake proves her Vegas dominance (2nd Vegas tournament, 2nd final table) once again, and wins enough money to make our new dining room table a reality! WSOP, here we come!

Safeway sociological experiment

I have been shopping at the same Safeway grocery store for the past 3+ years. Yesterday, I inadvertently conducted an experiment. My data:

Normal shopping experience (the "control," right?) :

• Time: usually Saturday AM
• Wearing: t-shirt and jeans
• Buying: same old stuff
• Employee reaction: over the years, I usually am greeted upon entering, but am otherwise ignored. Also, in all of this time, I think I have NOT bagged my own groceries maybe twice (even though there are actual baggers working).

Yesterday's shopping experience:

• Time: Tuesday PM
• Wearing: navy pinstripe suit, blue dress shirt, blue/lavender tie (came straight from work)
• Buying: same old stuff
• Employee reaction: I was greeted several times, asked by five different employees if I "needed any help finding everything," and was additionally asked by four different employees if they could "help me." At checkout, a bagger not only left a different lane to bag my groceries, but I was additionally asked by two other baggers if I needed help out to my car.

Conclusion: might not be worth the dry-cleaning bill, but dressing up for the grocery store certainly get results!

Why I hate Suburban Dad

As I head into my second month of the new job, I am realizing that the length of my commute home has little to do with train schedules, possible BART strikes, or weather, but instead one overriding factor: is there a Giants game tonight? Because if there is, Suburban Dad is going to slow me down.

Suburban Dad never takes transit, instead driving to work in his SUV and paying for parking. Suburban Dad, therefore, has no "commuter courtesy." What this means is that Suburban Dad, riding BART for the first time with Bored Wife and Anxious Kids (all in matching brand-new Giants hats they picked up at the mall), likes to stand in the middle of the train platform and stare at the map, too afraid to ask for help or directions, but apparently not afraid to block the way for others who know where they are going. Suburban Dad stands in the middle of the escalator, because it's a ride, right? Suburban Dad assumes everybody else is going to the baseball game and not trying to go home, and so stands in front of the turnstyle, fumbling for his unused ticket, instead of standing aside so people can get past him.

In short, Suburban Dad is a jerk and a nuisance, but worst of all, Suburban Dad doesn't know that he's a jerk and a nuisance because he's too self-absorbed to turn his head slightly to the left and realize there are other people on the train with him, people who don't give a rat's ass that he's using the firm's tickets with his family instead of clients for the first time in years.

Not that I'm irritated or anything...

The last lesson my father taught me

I buried my father last week. He was 62. I shouldn't need a wake up call to get in better shape, but this is certainly a loud one.

The last meaningful conversation we had was when we both flew to California for my grandfather's/his father's funeral in 1998. We met on the porch the night I got into town, did that awkward hug/slap on the back that men do, and then sat down and actually talked for the first time in several years. He shared with me that he had never been close to his father, that they too hadn't spoken in years, that they were friendly, but never friends. He told me he was hesitant to speak at his father's funeral because he really didn't feel like he knew him very well, and didn't want to dishonor his father's memory nor embarrass himself with a lack of information. Then he paused, and for the first time that evening actually looked me in the eyes. I thought, finally...here it comes. My dad is going to let his guard down, speak to me as an equal rather than a subordinate, and admit that he was sorry that we had perpetuated the cycle. Then I could do the same. He opened his mouth and said, "Well, good to see you, we should go to bed." That was the last time we spoke.

At the time I was angry at the perceived irony and hypocrisy, but I am starting to wonder if that was as close as he could come to admitting he had been wrong, and that I probably should have taken the lead and admitted my share of the guilt as well. That never happened, and now never will.

Sorry for the heavy note heading into Father's Day this weekend, but if your dad is still around, please, learn from our mistakes.

So...tired...can't...make...coherent...sentences...

Well, the first week at the new job is over, just in time for a three-day weekend...and I am exhausted! I think a lot of it is going to be just getting into the flow of waking up early and getting into a schedule again, but it is already almost 11:30 this morning, and I have barely managed to keep my eyes open long enough to clothe and feed myself. Sad.

This week has also highlighted my turn to the Dark Side, my willing obeisance to my Dark Lord, the coffee bean. So far, I haven't fallen into the trap of the afternoon cup, but I need a couple cups in the morning if I have any chance of making it to noon, let alone the end of the day. I tried going a day without, and the slicing headache that ensued brought me back in line and reminded me who's boss.

What is your bidding, my master?

Happy Birthday, Gluttony!

Today, our good friend celebrates his 100th birthday, and due to the exceedingly fickle American consumer's obsession with the concept of newer-is-better, he doesn't look a day over 3. At least, the parts of him I visit.

Sorry we couldn't be there to celebrate with you, old friend. Hope you got our card and gift certificate to the Olive Garden, and here's to our neon-bright future together!

New spring outfit

My friend Jen updated the look and feel of her blog; very cool, and since this site is listed in her links, I think the least I can do is divert your attention her way.

By the way, I am not sure if the "565" in the upper left corner is some sort of counter, just there to look cool, or some DaVinci Code-esque clue that will unlock the secrets of the Sacred Feminine (i.e. my code name for that group of 40ish women I used to teach with who always wore shiny jogging suits). Take your pick.

Regis and his Cruise to Hell

If you are into this sort of thing, below are the five clues you need to enter the Cruisin' Reunion contest on Live with Regis and Kelly. If you win, you and your 19 closest friends and family members go on a week-long cruise with thousands of other families...and Regis. I guess they needed one more cranky old person on a cruise ship...?

Anyway, here are the clues:

1. Horn
2. Button
3. Relly
4. Sing
5. Surprise
   

I am not sure I know 19 other people, family or otherwise, I would want to spend a week with on a ship. For that matter, I am not sure I know 19 other people I'd want to invite on vacation with me one at a time. If you win, have fun...but I'm busy that week.

Viva el Cinco de Mayo!

When I see all the Corona and margarita ads on television this time of year, I wonder if Mexican-Americans get irritated that Cinco de Mayo, as celebrated here, is more about drinking than about history .

I feel the same way about St. Patrick's Day, my brothers...mi hermanos. Stay strong.

My civic duty...finally...

I have been unemployed for a long time. Depending on your point of view, it has been either five months, a year, or four long years. I prefer the first option, but that is still a l o n g time.

So imagine my ironic chuckle (no, it was a little louder than that) when, last week, I got a notice for jury duty starting May 23...the Monday I start my new job! Funny, sad, a chance to make $15 a day; take your pick.

Anyway, I just got off the phone with them, and they have an option to serve early. I am not doing much for the next couple weeks, so why not? Maybe they'll even pick me; it would be interesting to see the view from the box. If you're downtown Monday afternoon, I'll see you then!

Corny poker jokes

This one came out at our game this weekend; really more of a number joke than a poker joke, but having an 8 on the board will provide a nice visual (especially helpful for those players who have been imbibing fermented beverages):

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt. [rimshot]

If you have others, send them my way...I need more help distracting people while I play terrible, terrible hands for no explicable reason. Oy.

They have a POOL!

An old friend's blog turned me on to Google Maps, and I haven't decided if satellite imagery on demand is one of the coolest things I have found recently on the internet, or one of the creepiest. Either way, it is a LOT of fun!

I put in my old childhood address, and it turns out that whoever lives there now has a pool! Good for them; those hot Cleveland nights just begged for a pool, somewhere to sit and relax and watch the sun go down, the industrial wastes in the sky turning amazing shades of orange and purple...huh...so that's why I have asthma!

Super Sizing my viewing habits

I watch way too much television. You already know this about me. What you may not know is that I am rarely excited about an upcoming television show due to its premise. I'm normally a stickler for deep characters, well-crafted plots, and believable dialog. That, or The Apprentice.

But an upcoming show is exciting me on premise alone: 30 Days, a new series on FX starring Morgan Spurlock (of Super Size Me fame). I thought his documentary was fantastic, and a must-see for everybody regardless of how you feel about McDonald's. I especially think his movie is a must for anybody who (like me) read and enjoyed Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser. Spurlock's movie covers some of the same ground, but in a much more personal, here's-what-happened-to-me-make-your-own-decisions kind of way. (BTW, if you want a great example of the different styles of the two guys, make sure to watch Spurlock's interview with Schlosser in the DVD's extras; Schlosser never dismounts from his high horse during the interview, and apparently had his sense of humor removed one summer during high school).

One more television show added to the list. Where does the madness end?

"My Man Sean May"

If you doubt the veracity of this, ask my wife. In between rolling her eyes, she will confirm that, since November of last year, I have been saying two things:

1. North Carolina will win the NCAA tournament this year, AND
2. It will be on the shoulders of my man, Sean May!

A few minutes ago, both of my predictions came true. And although it wasn't quite enough to vault me into the winner's circle in our brackets pool, I am happy nonetheless. I have been excited about watching May (or "My Man Sean May," as I have called him for two seasons now, although much more this year) throughout the tournament, and there is no question he was the Most Outstanding Player of the tournament. I was also pleased that, as much as was made about my man Sean May's father, dad managed to hide from the cameras and let this be his son's (my man's) one shining moment. Classy.

If only this could have been a Tar Heel/EKU Colonel final matchup, but it wasn't meant to be. Maybe next year.

You got your childhood toys in my childhood fantasies...

How could this game not be fun?

Seriously, I'm asking you.

11:36 to go

Well, I guess it was better than I could have hoped: due to geographic programming decisions, my local CBS station just switched over to the Pacific/Pittsburgh match, meaning I only got to watch a little over eight minutes of my EKU Colonels against the Kentucky Wildcats.

Still, got to see that much, and what I saw looked pretty good. Hopefully, they will continue to play the Cats tight, which could lead to positive national coverage, which could lead to higher levels of recruiting, which means it won't be another twenty six years before the Colonels dance again!

...Now I am the Master!

I use Darth Vader's line to highlight my intense excitement over the UK/EKU matchup in the first round of the NCAA Championships. Based on my very limited understanding of the RPI, I knew my Colonels would get a 15 seed at best, and with it their chances for national exposure were slim to none.

Until now.

Now, though, the drama is palpable, and the story writes itself: Travis Ford, now coach of the upstart Colonels, faces his mentor Tubby Smith, coach of Ford's alma mater and the team Ford went with to the Big Dance. Two Kentucky schools, less than 30 miles apart, one a national powerhouse who has recently been struggling; the other, a small school whose program has gotten stronger year after year.

I could not be more excited. This is what March Madness is all about, and this is why the NCAA tournament is the greatest sporting event of the year.

If you need me Thursday morning, you know where to find me.

Dancing Colonels!

If I may share some Colonel pride, my undergraduate alma mater, Eastern Kentucky University, this weekend hit some basketball milestones. Both the men's and women's teams won their respective Ohio Valley Conference championships, a first in school history. For both, this assures automatic bids to the NCAA championship tournament, or March Madness, as the kids call it.

For the men's team, this is the first time since 1979 that they have been to the Big Dance. Additionally, their 22-8 record (11-5 in conference) is their best record in school history. On the women's side, this conference win punches the Lady Colonel's ticket to the Madness for only the second time in school history.

After watching the EKU game on ESPN2 yesterday, I really hope they get some rest before the tournament starts, because they looked tired. However, I have full faith that Travis Ford will get them ready for the Madness, and I have already filled out my brackets: EKU is going to St. Louis, baby!

SO proud!

My wife went to Las Vegas last week for a conference (at least, she said it was for a conference...wait a minute!), and while there, found time to enter an actual Texas Hold 'Em tournament in the Mandalay Bay poker room! How cool is that! From a field of thirty players, she made it to the final table, eventually being put out just three people before making it into the money. I was three people away from becoming a trophy husband. Damn.

More importantly, she felt she had good cards (pocket Aces on the second hand!), and most importantly, she felt she played well. She said her shining moment was when, at the first table, she built such a huge chip lead that she was making change for everyone at the table. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

Final note: she thinks that our weekend game has prepared us well, and she says we are ready to make the jump into some (small) local tournaments. Bay 101, here we come!

Mom breaks her leg...again!

My mom's newest play opened last week, and runs through the end of February. She is part of the cast of Quilters, a musical by Molly Newman and Barbara Damashek, being performed at the Actor's Guild of Lexington. On their website, you can read about the play, as well as read about and meet the cast (including some fantastic headshots of my mom!).

Also, the Lexington Herald-Leader, the local newspaper, reviewed the play at the final preview before opening night. Please note that although the reviewer apparently wasn't too fond of the staging, he liked the cast a lot, including my mom, a "local stage favorite." Very nice!

Continue to break your leg, Mom!

Betrayed!

I apologize in advance for my language, but what the HELL?

My wife had the flu all last weekend, and then Tuesday, I started coming down with it. But by Thursday morning, I was feeling better, and by that afternoon, I was up, moving around, felt just fine. Not bad, I thought. Not bad.

But then I wake up this morning, and it's back! And, if that's not enough, it's worse than Tuesday. Can that happen? Are there "eye of the hurricane" moments for illness, to fool you into making plans and feeling great, so that a few hours later you body can BETRAY YOU COMPLETELY and get sick again?

This has to be illegal. Body, I hope you enjoy your thirty pieces of silver, because it will be a long time before I trust you again.

Van-a-Month giveaway?

As much as I love watching Regis and Kelly (well, their first segment at least; I get a certain perverse pleasure out of watching Regis interview someone he's clearly never heard of, and I am almost certain the man never does any kind of research or prep), the rules for the Van-A-Day Giveaway contest seem unusually difficult. So, to give people at least a fighting chance, here are the five clues you need to enter:

1. Rapids
2. Dude
3. Sharks
4. Cliff
5. Snowboard

Go to the Van-A-Day Entry website, enter to win, and if you win a van because of my clues, I should at least get to borrow it for a weekend or something.

Episode 4F22 lives again!

So something happened tonight that hasn't happened in three years, and I wasn't sure would happen again: my local station played the episode of The Simpsons where Homer has to go to the World Trade Center to get his car back after Barney abandons it there. Maybe this is a sign of healing, or a realization that attempts to "forget" the WTC by wiping it from our collective memories does no real good, but regardless, I was glad to see it again, and had forgotten what a funny episode it was.

By the way, this link to TVTome describes the episode and some of the editing it apparently underwent before being shown again in certain markets. The one they showed last night included all the WTC shots, but I was cooking dinner during the point where the guy in Tower 1 calls all the people in Tower 2 "jerks," so I am not sure if it was left in. They left in the Betty Ford Clinic musical number ("I'm Checking In") and references to the CHUDs, and that was enough for me.

Pokah!

Man, do I love some poker. Played again this past weekend after our successful brunch, and played well: good cards, some good bluffs, a couple successful all-ins. Nice.

So, to share some of the fun, here are some fun poker links:

• Is anybody else trying to win a seat in the World Series of Poker? I play "Mr. Vegas" every time, thinking that one of these days it will work, but I have a feeling my chances are pretty slim regardless.
• The All In Poker Fantasy Camp sounds like a GREAT vacation and learning experience...if you would like to sponsor me, I will gladly wear your hat and t-shirt!
• Speaking of all in, the new poker magazine All In released its first issue last month, and looks like a lot of fun. We got a gift subscription for some departing friends in our poker group; we hope they enjoy it!

I realize that the first step is admitting you have a problem, but I'm winning...

No self-respecting Southerner uses instant grits...

Mmmm...we're cooking part of a brunch tomorrow, and I decided to add a nice Southern touch by making grits. The only problem? Although I lived in the Deep South for many years, and enjoyed grits many times, I've never actually made them.

But thankfully, Alton Brown saved me yet again. I watched Good Eats the other night, and then tried his cheese grits recipe this morning as a "test run." Result? Quite easy, very tasty, and I think I actually prefer them plain rather than with the cheese (although they were very good with the cheddar as well).

My brunch boast is safe. Thanks again, Alton!

Shameless self-promotion

I just completed a massive update to my brendonland website, including pictures of a visit from our friend Kathy, our trip to Aruba, my trip to Bardstown, and our recent vow renewal in Las Vegas.

Obviously, not every picture makes the site, in large part because it's a free Geocities website, and the bandwidth is pretty low. If you want more pictures, email me and I'll send some (digital or physical) your way.

Maybe "Lancealittle" was too subtle?

I watched the movie Shrek last night; I had seen parts while visiting my brother and his family last month, but wanted to see it from start to finish. Now, while I admit freely that I used to be a stormtrooper for the Disney Corporation and therefore predisposed to dislike "outside" animation, I was a little surprised at the crude humor throughout the movie.

The fart and poop jokes, the obligatory hit in the crotch: I get that, it's a kid movie. Unfortunate, but par for the course. But the numerous references to tiny genitals, Robin Hood wanting oral sex, and whatever Lord Farquaad was doing under his sheets? Wow. I'm not saying I was offended or anything, but I thought the whole "movie kids and adults will both enjoy" usually involves adults getting inside joke references to pop culture, not animated characters masturbating.

Way to go, DreamWorks! If you can't beat them, go the route of the lowest common denominator. Sadly, it usually works, and I have a feeling Shrek 3: Spring Break! is looming on the horizon.

Give me all your money, honey...WOOOOOOO!

We were in Vegas for the weekend, but I was not yet comfortable enough to sit down at a poker table. Hopefully I will correct that soon.

However, I was able to sit down at a blackjack table and get robbed by Little Richard. Allow me to explain:

We were looking for some less expensive tables, and so made our way to the Imperial Palace casino. While there, we found the Dealertainers section, where celebrity impersonators deal blackjack and occasionally sing.

The theme was a good one, since I was apparently impersonating someone who knew how to play blackjack. Little Richard proceeded to play some of the luckiest cards I have ever seen: if I had a 19, he hit 20. If I had 20, he hit blackjack. EVERY. TIME. I never hit a blackjack; he hit four of them. In a span of about 25 minutes, he cleaned me out, and never sang a single song. Not very dealertaining, if you ask me.

Damn you, Little Richard!

What a weekend!

This past weekend, my wife and I celebrated 10 years of marriage (I know!) by renewing our vows in a fun way: we sailed a white wedding gondola down the fake canals at the Venetian Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. Truly a wonderful weekend; we were surrounded by friends and family (including both our original best man and matron of honor!) and a few hundred spectators (some of whom videotaped us; are we on the internet somewhere right now?). Spectacular!

When I get some pictures back, I'll ask my friend Jen how to put them up for all to see.

MAXIMUM ass-groove!

Oh my...it has begun.

I have this working list of semi-ironic "things I really want to buy for myself once I get a job, although once I have a job I will not be able to enjoy as often as while unemployed." One of the top items on that list came yesterday from my mother-in-law as a Christmas/Birthday/Bar Pass gift.

My Xbox.

Yesterday, I hooked it up was playing the included game Top Spin (which allows you to create your own doppleganger, and Brendon Xbox is now ranked 37th in the world, having won three mini pro tournaments and gaining a sponsorship from Adidas...oh yeah!) when my wife came home; I think she said something about playing too much, or how I wasn't listening or something? I'm really not sure.

(Virtual) Pete Sampras, you are going down!

My couch's permanent ass-groove

So this weekend we bought and stamped Xmas cards, did ALL of our (non-online) Xmas shopping...and then last night our microwave oven died (BTW, how long should a microwave live? This one was a wedding present, meaning it made it to within a week of exactly ten years of regular use...is that good?). Needless to say, the look I got from my better half as she trudged out the door this morning to work, and I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas, coffee in one hand and remote control in the other, was not friendly.

I need a job.

Tells and Tales

Played poker again this weekend, and did pretty well; played some good cards well, and played some mediocre cards well enough. Noticed an interesting tell at our table that is probably true at a lot of home games: after the deal, everyone looks at their cards before the first round of betting, but after the flop, everyone looks at their cards again EXCEPT those who have really good cards that are easily remembered. I realized this when I had pocket Jacks (club and spade) and was the only person not "re-looking." Even if they had been one red, one black, I probably would have looked again just to make sure I had the suits right, but as it was, I gave it away pretty quick, and everyone folded. Good to remember.

Shirt for sale!

Shirt for sale! Go to eBay and bid, bid, BID!

I fool them all again!

Well, the results are in, and to quote the California State Bar website:

"The name above appears on the pass list for the July 2004 California Bar Examination."

Wild.

So now the job hunt begins again, and now I can apply for the jobs I really want, the ones that require Bar membership before they'll even look at your resume. I'll let you know how that goes.

By the way, if you want to learn a little more about this horrific process, read this press release from the Bar. After I read it, I got more than a little sick to my stomach.

B-Day is upon us!

So, the looming date on my calendar is finally here: tonight at 6 PM PST, the California State Bar releases the pass list for the July exam. Whether my name appears on that list or not decides the direction my life takes for the foreseeable future. I'll post again soon with the results, or you can look them up for yourself starting Monday when the results are posted to the public.

Pray for Mojo.

Celebrity Poker Showdown Conspiracy Theory

Maybe it's just me, but did anybody else think it was really weird that Dave Navarro, last season's runner-up and seemingly good poker player, this week played what can at best be called horrendous poker, making horrible decisions and acting as if he'd never seen a deck of cards before? My theory: Dave threw the game. Why? Because I don't think he was interested in playing at a championship table where (at least) two-fifths of the players had slept with his wife.

Facts supporting my conspiracy theory:

• Last season, Dave won his opening round, and then narrowly lost the championship to Seth Meyers from SNL. Dave played outstanding poker in both games, showing a real knack for playing good hands and bad hands with equal skill.
• This week, Dave played won the first two hands by playing in that same aggressive style. However, for the rest of his game, he then played just awful hands, and more importantly, played them in such a way that he was assured to lose: he consistently called raises, but never in an aggressive manner that could have scared the other player out of the pot. Additionally, he did so with cards that clearly were not winners.
• When Dave was the first one out and on his way to the Loser's Lounge, he was shown calling his wife Carmen Electra and telling her, "I lost, and your ex-husband won."
• Regular viewers of the show know that Dennis Rodman, married famously in a drunken Vegas wedding to Carmen Electra, won his round, and would be playing in the championship.
  
• Regular viewers have also figured out that an entire season is usually taped in a couple days, and so it is very possible that Dave watched Dennis play and win, and knew that if he won, he would be sitting at the same table as Dennis within hours.

So there you have it: my case for why Dave took a dive. If I'm right, I am disappointed, but I understand; tough to bluff a guy who is going to look at you across the table with that knowing look in his eye (emphasis on the Biblical definition of "know"). Especially when that guy's nickname is "The Worm."

I think he could have won the whole thing, but now, my money is on Doogie. You?

My civic duty

If I heard Chris Matthews correctly last night, blogging is mainly supposed to talk about politics. I looked back at my entries, and I mostly talk about poker and puppets.

So today I'll try to make more of a political statement with some "talking points," as the kids today are calling them. Here goes:

• I vastly enjoy maps over listening to four people argue, and this is my favorite one. I especially like that you can click over to how it looked in 2000; for all the talk about how much has changed over the past four years, it looks surprisingly similar.
• I almost gave myself an epileptic fit last night as I flipped from channel to channel, looking for said maps and some sort of unity about the electoral college count. I found Dan Rather's forced folksiness the most annoying, followed closely by Brit Hume's smugness. I can't point to any one channel's coverage that I especially liked (I don't count watching Jon Stewart since that is a comedy show, Tucker!), but I probably watched CNN the most, since I did like their big board-o-numbers (mmm...shiny graphics!).
  
• I'm not pleased that Dubya won, but I am glad that somebody actually won this time, and won solidly enough that it doesn't look like there will be weeks of recounts, lawsuits, and explanations of pregnant chads.
• I don't live in Kentucky anymore, but what I have heard and what I saw when I recently visited leads me to believe that Jim Bunning is an embarrassment and a good example of how divided our country is right now. I want to believe that people voted this guy in because they voted for the Republican party, or against the Democrats and/or Mongiardo, but not actually for this guy. I really want to believe that.
• Dear Democratic Party: four years ago, Ralph Nader didn't steal votes from you; you lost votes and voters because instead of working for your base and representing the party's values, you took the liberal vote for granted, just assumed they'd vote against Bush = for you, and worked hard to move to the middle and swing undecided and moderate Republican voters. You lost that election. Period. Now, I bring this up because in the coming days, months, and years, you can play the blame-game again if you want to, OR you can start planting the seeds for a real groundswell in 2008. If you want my help, you need to ask, not just assume. I'm willing to help if you're willing to work with me. Sincerely, One of Many Prodigal Sons.
  

I hope Chris thinks that's enough. Now, back to poker and puppets!

No porch lights, maybe?

We didn't have any trick-or-treaters last night. Granted, we had no candy, so it was for the best, but still...shouldn't there have been a couple? We figure the local kids either drove south to the Burbs for some hot candy action, or did the whole mall/zoo thing that has become increasingly popular. This pushed us into a reminiscing fit last night about our shared memories of suburban Halloweens: how the streets were crawling with kids and parents, the fear of razor blades in apples, and houses that didn't decorate and give out Zagnut bars were the rare exception, not the rule. We also discussed the "that one house" rule: apparently all suburban kids had that one house in the neighborhood that went way too far in the Halloween spirit (for me, it was the house that dug graves in the front yard, complete with people jumping out of them...graves!)

So relying on said suburban training, we turned off all the lights (we don't have a porch, so we figured complete darkness would be our version of the universal signal that this house is not participating in your fun, little Spiderman) and went out for Malaysian food (mmm...jicama). Seemed like the thing to do.