WISH I was making this up...

Another fun court house hallway exchange:

Guy: Hey!
Me: [ignoring shouting man]
Guy: HEY!
Me: [turning around, against better judgement] Yes?
Guy: Where's my lawyer?
Me: Sir, I don't know who you are, so how would I know who your lawyer is?
Guy: Um, I think his name is Dan.
Me: Dan who?
Guy: Um, Dan...Fielding. Yeah, Dan Fielding.
Me: [poker face] Sir, Dan Fielding was the name of a lawyer on the show Night Court.
Guy: Oh.
Me: You should probably check with the clerk, sir.

I had a pretty bad headache from not laughing...but I'm feeling much better now... :)

Et tu, Quentin?

I am not sure if it is fair to blame Tarantino, but I do: I am getting really tired of reading books with six different story lines, jumping back and forth in time, with characters that may all end up in the same room at the end or, more likely, never interact, other than maybe literally brushing elbows on a crowded street in a tired attempt to symbolize loneliness in a crowded world. Blech.

Case in point: Beautiful Children, by Charles Bock. Most of the characters were interesting enough to keep me reading to the end, but there was no plot to speak of other than watching all of these people spiral into their own private Hells. Would have been an interesting or inventive storytelling device ten years ago, but now, it's been done, and done better.

In fairness, any story about abused or neglected kids is probably not going to make my Top Ten list, as abused and neglected kids are how I make a living these days (I call that "Tuesday"). Still, nothing worth making the journey for.

Quote of the Week

From Eddie Sutton, interim head coach of the USF men's basketball team:

"This is my 37th year in Division I and this is the least amount of talent I've ever had to work with. I've really had to program myself to be patient. Some of these guys have almost developed a defeatist attitude. ... I'm not downgrading them. They are what they are -- they're good college players. I've been blessed with great players. Look at my record. You don't have that record without great players."

Boy, good thing he wasn't downgrading them. With this kind of positive leadership, I have no idea how any of the players could have developed a defeatist attitude.

What a horrible coda to an already tarnished career. USF should be ashamed for creating this situation, and for wheeling in this shell of a man so that he can slump on the sidelines and "win" his 800th game, pretending to coach without even knowing any of the players' names, while the university grabs some national spotlight time. Sutton should be ashamed for desperately trying to reclaim his former glory and grab one last time for the brass ring that slipped through his alcohol-soaked fingers. Just awful.

You can read the entire article here.

Like C. Thomas Howell in Red Dawn

It's official; I am a full member of the club.

My first Wii injury (not counting strained muscles):



A fingernail incident while playing Wii Sports Baseball and swinging the Wiimote, but don't worry...I still got the hit.

Quote of the Week

In the hallway outside the courtroom I am currently assigned to, from a parent of one of my clients; the parent is a fairly notorious local pimp and drug dealer:

"You're really good at this...have you thought about private practice? I would hire you in a minute, man!"

Um...thanks?

(L)Awfully good times...

Sad to see that Gary Gygax, one of the co-creators of the original Dungeons & Dragons system, died yesterday.

Some of my best friends and better memories involve D&D in some fashion or another, and if that makes me a geek, so be it. I have a +2 Thick Skin, and I made my saving throw versus Insults and Dragon Breath, so feel free to make fun of me as much as you want.

Good times

Another great trip to Vegas. We stayed a little longer than normal, but it gave the Wife a day off from her conference to play, so it was worth it. We stayed here, saw this, ate here, here, and (a little more cheaply) here, and relaxed here. We played a LOT of poker; the Wife won a tournament here, and I won a tournament here. We were initially a little intimidated to play in a tournament here, but we got over it, and it was hands-down the best poker room we've ever played in.

Coming home from Vegas with more money than you went with = good times.

The envelope...not necessary...

To quote Colbert: I called it!

I thought their performance was great, and did not need the orchestra backup; what makes it beautiful, in the film and otherwise, is the simplicity. I also really liked Hansard's (and, later, Irglova's) honest, thrilled reaction. Nice.

I have said this over and over, on this blog and to anybody who will listen in real life: if you have not seen this movie, do so. Brilliant.

Feeling old(er), part two...

The Wife got me a Wii for my birthday, officially putting her in the lead for Best...Wife...Ever. With some extra Vegas money (anything I bring back...that's extra in my math...), I bought Guitar Hero III, and have already put the Evil Bunny sticker on my axe. I had WAY too much fun yesterday. Rockin' fun.

And this morning, I am feeling it. Apparently, when you are an out-of-shape, middle-aged man, rocking out in your living room with a plastic guitar is a great way to wrench your back. I have been walking very slowly today, and with each twinge, I damn C.C. DeVille and his vile music (which I am still working on at the Easy level, but had down just enough yesterday to add some extra hip moves while playing). Oh, I'll talk dirty to you, you bastard...



A suggestion to other mid-30s living room rockstars...rock with your legs, not your back.

Feeling old(er)

Michael Jackson's Thriller album came out on this day...twenty five years ago.

I know.

If you are around my age, you must have had this album. It was the Frampton Comes Alive! of the 80s.

Makes me feel older, and makes me remember a better time for Mr. Jackson. Young Michael, you are missed.

Tease

They changed the billboard at my train stop the other day:



What a bunch of teases...I have to look at this while I'm trudging to work? I'm only human, you know.

The value of pre-medication

We saw Cloverfield this weekend; judging by the huge drop in box office, my guess is that if you are the type that was going to see this movie, you have by now, and if you are not that type, you will likely wait for DVD.

Which I strongly recommend. Without giving anything away, the entire movie is (ostensibly) a recovered video tape(supposedly) shot on a hand-held camera, which means that seeing this in your home could actually add to the creepy factor, ala Blair Witch Project.

But the main reason I would recommend waiting for DVD is that seeing this movie on a big screen just about gave me a seizure. 85 minutes of shaky footage, a lot of it shot while the cameraman is running? I had a gigantic headache by the end of this thing, and The Wife was truly nauseous, to the point that I think she missed large parts of the movie while she was looking at the floor, trying to give her inner ear a chance to catch up.

Overall, I really liked this movie; clearly it is an extended allegory for the fear and confusion on September 11, and some of the shots in this movie could have been stock footage from that day. Definitely worth seeing, but either wait for DVD, or, if you are over the age of 30, take a couple Tylenol twenty minutes prior to viewing.

You have been warned.

Downward slope

The English language takes another step backwards:



Et tu, Flea Market?

Ouch

These are the opening sentences from On Chesil Beach, by Ian McEwan:

They were young, educated, and both virgins on this, their wedding night, and they lived in a time when a conversation about sexual difficulties was plainly impossible. But it is never easy.

Ouch, indeed. This novella, a quick and painful (!) read, takes place in the early 1960s, but, as that second sentence notes, could just as easily be set in the 1860s or now. It is difficult to say that I enjoyed reading this book, but given that the core of the story is about two people failing to talk to each other, I am keeping it from the library until The Wife has a chance to read it, and we can talk about it. It will not be easy, but it is never easy. If you are half of a couple, I recommend the same.

(if this post is too Dr. Phil for you, my apologies...I'll try to get back to my snarky self in the near future)

I knew it!

I just knew that flying cars were on their way. See (and buy!) for yourself.

Jen, it looks like at least one of my predictions is upon us.

I Am Perplexed

We got out of the house yesterday and went to see I Am Legend, a romantic comedy about a killer virus that wipes out 90% of the Earth's population, leaving 1% immune and 9% as pseudo-vampires, hiding in the dark and seeking blood. Somehow, Ashely Judd is not in this movie.

I need to start by saying I liked this movie; I thought it had an interesting premise, was entertaining, and I think Will Smith really showed he can act, not just fight CGI beasties (although that happens a lot here). However, I have to admit that the more I think about the movie, the more I have questions about what happened (or didn't happen, but maybe should have), and how much might have been lost in the translation from the book (I am not sure how this happened, given my geekboy upbringing, but I have never read it).

The rest of this may contain spoilers, so if you have not seen the movie, read on at your own risk.

Some questions:

1) If the lead monster was smart enough to devise a snare to catch Robert, why wasn't he smarter at other times? For example, instead of just sending the demon dogs, shouldn't he have swarmed Robert right then?

2) If the lead monster was smart enough to use tools to devise said snare, why wasn't he smart enough to use other tools, like say a gun or a big hunk of rock, hurled from the darkness to kill our hero?

3) If the government/military sealed off the island of Manhattan, how did the Brazilian get there from Maryland? For that matter, how did she get out at the end?

3A) If less than 1% of the world's population survived the virus, and even less than that are still walking and not zombie chow, what are the odds that one survivor, from Brazil, would speak perfect English?

4) How did so many zombies survive for three years? Does this go back to the "smart" zombie idea above, that even though the zombies were losing their humanity and reverting, they were just smart enough to survive? (I thought this was one of the strongest points in the movie 28 Days Later; there, the infected simply ran out of food and started dying off after a while since they were unable, in their "rage" state, to organize and feed themselves, and their bodies simply gave out).

I get that a lot of the answers to this fall into the "it's a movie" category, but I think they could have been dealt with better.

And yeah, I will admit it...I got a little teary when the dog died, but not when the 6 billion people did. Not sure what that says about me.

Applying the Statute of Frauds in my living room

GREAT law school joke last night; or, in the alternative, if you didn't go to law school, AWFUL joke consisting of a grouping of words that would only be funny to those who went to law school (or, as illustrated here, to those who lived with those who went to law school).

The setup: The Wife and I are watching the Arizona/Memphis game last night on TiVo. An Arizona player tries to drive the lane, and a Memphis player gets called for a blocking foul. Commentator Steve Lavin uses the wrong word to describe the foul as it is shown in slow motion:

Lavin: And as he drives the lane, he initiates the contract with the other player.

The Wife: Huh...what was the consideration?

Brilliant! Five points to Gryffindor! Yet another sad example of what living with me can do to a healthy adult mind. I'm like a pre-1968 television: I'm fun to be around, but you really shouldn't sit too close to me for extended periods of time.

The 2007 Esqys

It's that time again...time to look back at the past year, and see what made the highlights, and what was second best. As always with the Esqys, I have a good shot to win most categories. But as always, please...no wagering.

Best Trip of the Year (Non-Family): Lake Tahoe. It was a lovely drive, the weather (mostly) cooperated, and we played some great poker. Relaxing and fun...what every trip should be.

Best Trip of the Year (Family): Kentucky. Got to see everybody, got to see lots of great NCAA basketball, and even got to see our respective alma maters. Nice.

Best Book I Read This Year (Serious): [tie] The Shotgun Rule, by Charlie Huston. Action-packed from page one, this suburban tale of kids with too much time on their hands getting in way over their heads resonated with me due to my own childhood, as well as the various children I work with today.

Best Book I Read This Year (Serious): [tie] Letter to a Christian Nation, by Sam Harris. Concise and impactful, this is a great dissection of faith in America and one of the first books that helped me feel good about my lack of faith in gods.

Best Book I Read This Year (Fun): World War Z, by Max Brooks. I feel a little bad about putting books that are a fun read into a different category than more serious books; this is the same reason a comedy will never win Best Picture at the Oscars. But I also have to admit that, while I really enjoyed this book, it impacted me in a different way than the others. Still, a great time, and now I have another reason to remember Yonkers.

Best Movie I Saw (Violent): No Country for Old Men. Wow. If you have not seen this movie, do so. Some of the best dialog I have seen in a movie in a long time, and yet I think some of the best scenes had no dialog at all (the scene in the hotel comes to mind; right in the middle of this scene is when the woman sitting in front of us chose to fight a peppermint candy out of its crinkly wrapper. Apparently, the wrapper bested her, as the fight went on for some time. I think it would have been legal for me to kick her; or, at least, no jury would have convicted me).

Best Movie I Saw (Non-Violent): Once. Wow. If you have not seen this movie, do so. If this movie does not touch you, then you are made of stone, or some stone-like substance, and I am not sure I can be your friend. Sorry to be harsh, but if even my blackened, snarky self can just sit back and be pleasantly entertained by this beautiful movie, I have faith it will work for you, too. Give it a try.

Best purchase: a plan. This year, instead of making big, splashy purchases, we instead met with and have been working with a financial planner. We're currently working on managing our remaining debts, saving for a downpayment on a house, and making plans for the future that include retirement and educational planning for some loved ones. Peace of mind is expensive, but worth it.

Best Supporting Actor: Me, on The Sneeze.com. I win again! Wow, I was just thrilled to be nominated! So many people to thank. Um, well, thanks to Steve for not only printing my letter, but writing back and asking for a photo of me looking "pathetic." Is there any other kind?

Not a bad year, and looks like I will have to clear some more mantel space for my many, many awards. Hope you had some award-winning moments yourself. See you next December; one of these years, we'll have some real competition in the "Best Route to Jet-Pack to Work" category. Fingers crossed.

Boxing Day

I am still not completely sure what Boxing Day is, but I can tell you this: it is a great idea. I took yesterday off, and wow was it necessary. Besides needing it to finally wrap up what was either a nasty stomach virus or (more likely) my body's lack of preparedness for a very rich meal filled with lots of great tastes (which, although they taste great together, were probably never meant to actually go together), it was a fantastic opportunity to just get some stuff done. I got all of our thank-you notes written and in the mail, cleaned up the kitchen from The Wife's Bake-a-palooza (every year around the holidays, she turns our kitchen into a cookie factory...that Keebler Elf sweatshop has nothing on her...), got some much-needed laundry out of the way, and still managed to make time to kill hundreds of Nazis and just randomly blow the bejeezus out of stuff. A good day all around.

Of course, if my dreams had come true (read: if I had a few hundred extra bucks lying around), yesterday would have been, let's go with, Wii-tastic, and I would be well on my way to rock godhood by now. But, that can wait. I've never been, nor felt the need to be, the first kid on my block to have the newest toy, and I have a sense that now that the holidays are over, the madness will slow down a little, i.e. the prices will go way down, availability will go way up, and wii will be rocking out at my house before too much longer.

Back home: Brendon 1, Sunburn 0

We got home from our "free" cruise yesterday; back in September, the Wife won a poker tournament on a cruise ship, and first prize was...another cruise...on the same ship...two months later. This "free" cruise was the most expensive free thing we've ever done, once you add up the airfare to Florida, various taxes, and $5 pina coladas on the Lido deck (FYI: no Gopher anywhere). Anyway, although cruising is not something we're very into, it was a fun time, and it got us out of the house and away from work for a week.

I will post stories and photos from each port below as if I was posting from the ship...which I could have done, but it would have cost me dearly, as internet time onboard is 50 cents a minute, and their connection made me long for the days of 56K dial up. Sorry, but no; you will have to pretend along with me.