Grills

I am a man of many titles: husband, attorney, barbecue sauce spokesperson. But now, thanks to my new see-through grills, I can add one more: pimp. That's right, pimp. My motions in limine are straight gangsta, yo!

So far, so good. I am into my second tray, and the first few days of each tray are tight, rather than painful (so far). After a few days, they are easier to get in and out of my mouth, a maneuver that still finds me hiding in the bathroom stall, for fear of people seeing me dig in my mouth and the inevitable drool. So sexy.

The main goal is straight teeth without conventional braces. However, the unintentional, and unforeseen secondary goal may be weight loss. I have to keep them in for 20 hours a day; while in, I cannot eat, and I can only drink cool, clear liquids. So, this means snacking is now more trouble than it is worth, and drinking is limited to water and vodka. I could be imagining this, but going into week 2, I noticed that my pants feel a lot looser. Suddenly, the 24 month program doesn't seem like such a bad thing, and I might ask to go a little longer.

But next time I want platinum and diamonds. Because that's just how I roll.