Thursday, December 30, 2004

Maybe "Lancealittle" was too subtle?

I watched the movie Shrek last night; I had seen parts while visiting my brother and his family last month, but wanted to see it from start to finish. Now, while I admit freely that I used to be a stormtrooper for the Disney Corporation and therefore predisposed to dislike "outside" animation, I was a little surprised at the crude humor throughout the movie.

The fart and poop jokes, the obligatory hit in the crotch: I get that, it's a kid movie. Unfortunate, but par for the course. But the numerous references to tiny genitals, Robin Hood wanting oral sex, and whatever Lord Farquaad was doing under his sheets? Wow. I'm not saying I was offended or anything, but I thought the whole "movie kids and adults will both enjoy" usually involves adults getting inside joke references to pop culture, not animated characters masturbating.

Way to go, DreamWorks! If you can't beat them, go the route of the lowest common denominator. Sadly, it usually works, and I have a feeling Shrek 3: Spring Break! is looming on the horizon.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Give me all your money, honey...WOOOOOOO!

We were in Vegas for the weekend, but I was not yet comfortable enough to sit down at a poker table. Hopefully I will correct that soon.

However, I was able to sit down at a blackjack table and get robbed by Little Richard. Allow me to explain:

We were looking for some less expensive tables, and so made our way to the Imperial Palace casino. While there, we found the Dealertainers section, where celebrity impersonators deal blackjack and occasionally sing.

The theme was a good one, since I was apparently impersonating someone who knew how to play blackjack. Little Richard proceeded to play some of the luckiest cards I have ever seen: if I had a 19, he hit 20. If I had 20, he hit blackjack. EVERY. TIME. I never hit a blackjack; he hit four of them. In a span of about 25 minutes, he cleaned me out, and never sang a single song. Not very dealertaining, if you ask me.

Damn you, Little Richard!

What a weekend!

This past weekend, my wife and I celebrated 10 years of marriage (I know!) by renewing our vows in a fun way: we sailed a white wedding gondola down the fake canals at the Venetian Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. Truly a wonderful weekend; we were surrounded by friends and family (including both our original best man and matron of honor!) and a few hundred spectators (some of whom videotaped us; are we on the internet somewhere right now?). Spectacular!

When I get some pictures back, I'll ask my friend Jen how to put them up for all to see.

Friday, December 10, 2004

MAXIMUM ass-groove!

Oh has begun.

I have this working list of semi-ironic "things I really want to buy for myself once I get a job, although once I have a job I will not be able to enjoy as often as while unemployed." One of the top items on that list came yesterday from my mother-in-law as a Christmas/Birthday/Bar Pass gift.

My Xbox.

Yesterday, I hooked it up was playing the included game Top Spin (which allows you to create your own doppleganger, and Brendon Xbox is now ranked 37th in the world, having won three mini pro tournaments and gaining a sponsorship from Adidas...oh yeah!) when my wife came home; I think she said something about playing too much, or how I wasn't listening or something? I'm really not sure.

(Virtual) Pete Sampras, you are going down!

Monday, December 06, 2004

My couch's permanent ass-groove

So this weekend we bought and stamped Xmas cards, did ALL of our (non-online) Xmas shopping...and then last night our microwave oven died (BTW, how long should a microwave live? This one was a wedding present, meaning it made it to within a week of exactly ten years of regular that good?). Needless to say, the look I got from my better half as she trudged out the door this morning to work, and I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas, coffee in one hand and remote control in the other, was not friendly.

I need a job.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Tells and Tales

Played poker again this weekend, and did pretty well; played some good cards well, and played some mediocre cards well enough. Noticed an interesting tell at our table that is probably true at a lot of home games: after the deal, everyone looks at their cards before the first round of betting, but after the flop, everyone looks at their cards again EXCEPT those who have really good cards that are easily remembered. I realized this when I had pocket Jacks (club and spade) and was the only person not "re-looking." Even if they had been one red, one black, I probably would have looked again just to make sure I had the suits right, but as it was, I gave it away pretty quick, and everyone folded. Good to remember.