Quote of the Week

In the hallway outside the courtroom I am currently assigned to, from a parent of one of my clients; the parent is a fairly notorious local pimp and drug dealer:

"You're really good at this...have you thought about private practice? I would hire you in a minute, man!"

Um...thanks?

(L)Awfully good times...

Sad to see that Gary Gygax, one of the co-creators of the original Dungeons & Dragons system, died yesterday.

Some of my best friends and better memories involve D&D in some fashion or another, and if that makes me a geek, so be it. I have a +2 Thick Skin, and I made my saving throw versus Insults and Dragon Breath, so feel free to make fun of me as much as you want.

Good times

Another great trip to Vegas. We stayed a little longer than normal, but it gave the Wife a day off from her conference to play, so it was worth it. We stayed here, saw this, ate here, here, and (a little more cheaply) here, and relaxed here. We played a LOT of poker; the Wife won a tournament here, and I won a tournament here. We were initially a little intimidated to play in a tournament here, but we got over it, and it was hands-down the best poker room we've ever played in.

Coming home from Vegas with more money than you went with = good times.

The envelope...not necessary...

To quote Colbert: I called it!

I thought their performance was great, and did not need the orchestra backup; what makes it beautiful, in the film and otherwise, is the simplicity. I also really liked Hansard's (and, later, Irglova's) honest, thrilled reaction. Nice.

I have said this over and over, on this blog and to anybody who will listen in real life: if you have not seen this movie, do so. Brilliant.

Feeling old(er), part two...

The Wife got me a Wii for my birthday, officially putting her in the lead for Best...Wife...Ever. With some extra Vegas money (anything I bring back...that's extra in my math...), I bought Guitar Hero III, and have already put the Evil Bunny sticker on my axe. I had WAY too much fun yesterday. Rockin' fun.

And this morning, I am feeling it. Apparently, when you are an out-of-shape, middle-aged man, rocking out in your living room with a plastic guitar is a great way to wrench your back. I have been walking very slowly today, and with each twinge, I damn C.C. DeVille and his vile music (which I am still working on at the Easy level, but had down just enough yesterday to add some extra hip moves while playing). Oh, I'll talk dirty to you, you bastard...



A suggestion to other mid-30s living room rockstars...rock with your legs, not your back.

Feeling old(er)

Michael Jackson's Thriller album came out on this day...twenty five years ago.

I know.

If you are around my age, you must have had this album. It was the Frampton Comes Alive! of the 80s.

Makes me feel older, and makes me remember a better time for Mr. Jackson. Young Michael, you are missed.

Tease

They changed the billboard at my train stop the other day:



What a bunch of teases...I have to look at this while I'm trudging to work? I'm only human, you know.

The value of pre-medication

We saw Cloverfield this weekend; judging by the huge drop in box office, my guess is that if you are the type that was going to see this movie, you have by now, and if you are not that type, you will likely wait for DVD.

Which I strongly recommend. Without giving anything away, the entire movie is (ostensibly) a recovered video tape(supposedly) shot on a hand-held camera, which means that seeing this in your home could actually add to the creepy factor, ala Blair Witch Project.

But the main reason I would recommend waiting for DVD is that seeing this movie on a big screen just about gave me a seizure. 85 minutes of shaky footage, a lot of it shot while the cameraman is running? I had a gigantic headache by the end of this thing, and The Wife was truly nauseous, to the point that I think she missed large parts of the movie while she was looking at the floor, trying to give her inner ear a chance to catch up.

Overall, I really liked this movie; clearly it is an extended allegory for the fear and confusion on September 11, and some of the shots in this movie could have been stock footage from that day. Definitely worth seeing, but either wait for DVD, or, if you are over the age of 30, take a couple Tylenol twenty minutes prior to viewing.

You have been warned.

Downward slope

The English language takes another step backwards:



Et tu, Flea Market?

Ouch

These are the opening sentences from On Chesil Beach, by Ian McEwan:

They were young, educated, and both virgins on this, their wedding night, and they lived in a time when a conversation about sexual difficulties was plainly impossible. But it is never easy.

Ouch, indeed. This novella, a quick and painful (!) read, takes place in the early 1960s, but, as that second sentence notes, could just as easily be set in the 1860s or now. It is difficult to say that I enjoyed reading this book, but given that the core of the story is about two people failing to talk to each other, I am keeping it from the library until The Wife has a chance to read it, and we can talk about it. It will not be easy, but it is never easy. If you are half of a couple, I recommend the same.

(if this post is too Dr. Phil for you, my apologies...I'll try to get back to my snarky self in the near future)

I knew it!

I just knew that flying cars were on their way. See (and buy!) for yourself.

Jen, it looks like at least one of my predictions is upon us.

I Am Perplexed

We got out of the house yesterday and went to see I Am Legend, a romantic comedy about a killer virus that wipes out 90% of the Earth's population, leaving 1% immune and 9% as pseudo-vampires, hiding in the dark and seeking blood. Somehow, Ashely Judd is not in this movie.

I need to start by saying I liked this movie; I thought it had an interesting premise, was entertaining, and I think Will Smith really showed he can act, not just fight CGI beasties (although that happens a lot here). However, I have to admit that the more I think about the movie, the more I have questions about what happened (or didn't happen, but maybe should have), and how much might have been lost in the translation from the book (I am not sure how this happened, given my geekboy upbringing, but I have never read it).

The rest of this may contain spoilers, so if you have not seen the movie, read on at your own risk.

Some questions:

1) If the lead monster was smart enough to devise a snare to catch Robert, why wasn't he smarter at other times? For example, instead of just sending the demon dogs, shouldn't he have swarmed Robert right then?

2) If the lead monster was smart enough to use tools to devise said snare, why wasn't he smart enough to use other tools, like say a gun or a big hunk of rock, hurled from the darkness to kill our hero?

3) If the government/military sealed off the island of Manhattan, how did the Brazilian get there from Maryland? For that matter, how did she get out at the end?

3A) If less than 1% of the world's population survived the virus, and even less than that are still walking and not zombie chow, what are the odds that one survivor, from Brazil, would speak perfect English?

4) How did so many zombies survive for three years? Does this go back to the "smart" zombie idea above, that even though the zombies were losing their humanity and reverting, they were just smart enough to survive? (I thought this was one of the strongest points in the movie 28 Days Later; there, the infected simply ran out of food and started dying off after a while since they were unable, in their "rage" state, to organize and feed themselves, and their bodies simply gave out).

I get that a lot of the answers to this fall into the "it's a movie" category, but I think they could have been dealt with better.

And yeah, I will admit it...I got a little teary when the dog died, but not when the 6 billion people did. Not sure what that says about me.

Applying the Statute of Frauds in my living room

GREAT law school joke last night; or, in the alternative, if you didn't go to law school, AWFUL joke consisting of a grouping of words that would only be funny to those who went to law school (or, as illustrated here, to those who lived with those who went to law school).

The setup: The Wife and I are watching the Arizona/Memphis game last night on TiVo. An Arizona player tries to drive the lane, and a Memphis player gets called for a blocking foul. Commentator Steve Lavin uses the wrong word to describe the foul as it is shown in slow motion:

Lavin: And as he drives the lane, he initiates the contract with the other player.

The Wife: Huh...what was the consideration?

Brilliant! Five points to Gryffindor! Yet another sad example of what living with me can do to a healthy adult mind. I'm like a pre-1968 television: I'm fun to be around, but you really shouldn't sit too close to me for extended periods of time.

The 2007 Esqys

It's that time again...time to look back at the past year, and see what made the highlights, and what was second best. As always with the Esqys, I have a good shot to win most categories. But as always, please...no wagering.

Best Trip of the Year (Non-Family): Lake Tahoe. It was a lovely drive, the weather (mostly) cooperated, and we played some great poker. Relaxing and fun...what every trip should be.

Best Trip of the Year (Family): Kentucky. Got to see everybody, got to see lots of great NCAA basketball, and even got to see our respective alma maters. Nice.

Best Book I Read This Year (Serious): [tie] The Shotgun Rule, by Charlie Huston. Action-packed from page one, this suburban tale of kids with too much time on their hands getting in way over their heads resonated with me due to my own childhood, as well as the various children I work with today.

Best Book I Read This Year (Serious): [tie] Letter to a Christian Nation, by Sam Harris. Concise and impactful, this is a great dissection of faith in America and one of the first books that helped me feel good about my lack of faith in gods.

Best Book I Read This Year (Fun): World War Z, by Max Brooks. I feel a little bad about putting books that are a fun read into a different category than more serious books; this is the same reason a comedy will never win Best Picture at the Oscars. But I also have to admit that, while I really enjoyed this book, it impacted me in a different way than the others. Still, a great time, and now I have another reason to remember Yonkers.

Best Movie I Saw (Violent): No Country for Old Men. Wow. If you have not seen this movie, do so. Some of the best dialog I have seen in a movie in a long time, and yet I think some of the best scenes had no dialog at all (the scene in the hotel comes to mind; right in the middle of this scene is when the woman sitting in front of us chose to fight a peppermint candy out of its crinkly wrapper. Apparently, the wrapper bested her, as the fight went on for some time. I think it would have been legal for me to kick her; or, at least, no jury would have convicted me).

Best Movie I Saw (Non-Violent): Once. Wow. If you have not seen this movie, do so. If this movie does not touch you, then you are made of stone, or some stone-like substance, and I am not sure I can be your friend. Sorry to be harsh, but if even my blackened, snarky self can just sit back and be pleasantly entertained by this beautiful movie, I have faith it will work for you, too. Give it a try.

Best purchase: a plan. This year, instead of making big, splashy purchases, we instead met with and have been working with a financial planner. We're currently working on managing our remaining debts, saving for a downpayment on a house, and making plans for the future that include retirement and educational planning for some loved ones. Peace of mind is expensive, but worth it.

Best Supporting Actor: Me, on The Sneeze.com. I win again! Wow, I was just thrilled to be nominated! So many people to thank. Um, well, thanks to Steve for not only printing my letter, but writing back and asking for a photo of me looking "pathetic." Is there any other kind?

Not a bad year, and looks like I will have to clear some more mantel space for my many, many awards. Hope you had some award-winning moments yourself. See you next December; one of these years, we'll have some real competition in the "Best Route to Jet-Pack to Work" category. Fingers crossed.

Boxing Day

I am still not completely sure what Boxing Day is, but I can tell you this: it is a great idea. I took yesterday off, and wow was it necessary. Besides needing it to finally wrap up what was either a nasty stomach virus or (more likely) my body's lack of preparedness for a very rich meal filled with lots of great tastes (which, although they taste great together, were probably never meant to actually go together), it was a fantastic opportunity to just get some stuff done. I got all of our thank-you notes written and in the mail, cleaned up the kitchen from The Wife's Bake-a-palooza (every year around the holidays, she turns our kitchen into a cookie factory...that Keebler Elf sweatshop has nothing on her...), got some much-needed laundry out of the way, and still managed to make time to kill hundreds of Nazis and just randomly blow the bejeezus out of stuff. A good day all around.

Of course, if my dreams had come true (read: if I had a few hundred extra bucks lying around), yesterday would have been, let's go with, Wii-tastic, and I would be well on my way to rock godhood by now. But, that can wait. I've never been, nor felt the need to be, the first kid on my block to have the newest toy, and I have a sense that now that the holidays are over, the madness will slow down a little, i.e. the prices will go way down, availability will go way up, and wii will be rocking out at my house before too much longer.

Back home: Brendon 1, Sunburn 0

We got home from our "free" cruise yesterday; back in September, the Wife won a poker tournament on a cruise ship, and first prize was...another cruise...on the same ship...two months later. This "free" cruise was the most expensive free thing we've ever done, once you add up the airfare to Florida, various taxes, and $5 pina coladas on the Lido deck (FYI: no Gopher anywhere). Anyway, although cruising is not something we're very into, it was a fun time, and it got us out of the house and away from work for a week.

I will post stories and photos from each port below as if I was posting from the ship...which I could have done, but it would have cost me dearly, as internet time onboard is 50 cents a minute, and their connection made me long for the days of 56K dial up. Sorry, but no; you will have to pretend along with me.

Cruise, Day 7: Wrap it up

Day 7 of the cruise was a "day at sea," which means you do not get off the boat. It was actually very nice; we slept in, the Wife went back to the spa, I finished my book, and we played some more in the casino. I tried to beat the strongman, but he won.

It was also a good day to tie up some loose ends. On the last day, you are given tip envelopes, along with suggested tip amounts, for the people who directly served you throughout the cruise (waiters, assistant waiters, and cabin stewards). I got the impression some people were irritated by the idea of an "expected" tip, but these people work hard, long hours, every day of the week, and I think they more than earned their pay and more than deserved gratuities.

I am glad that this last day on the ship was a restful one, because the trip home the next day was pretty awful. Delayed planes, missed connections, and long waits in various airports added up to us getting home about seven hours later than expected. Yuck.

Did we have fun? Yes. Was it relaxing? No. Would I go on another cruise? Doubtful.

Cruise, Day 6: No mas

Day 6 dawned with us in Cozumel, Mexico. By this time, I was officially done. I was tired of standing in line, tired of listening to Angry Dad spout off about how this was a terrible ship and he was having a terrible time...on this, his tenth cruise. If people love to cruise and do it often, that's great; but I cannot tell you how many people we were forced to listen to gripe and moan about how disappointed they were, only to later learn that they are regular cruise people. No entiendo.

The Wife was pretty done as well, so Cozumel was a quick one. We got off the boat, took a cab to the main shopping area, window shopped for duty-free watches and other classy merchandise (see photo), had lunch at a "Mexican" restaurant (it was very tasty, but it was American Mexican food like you would get anywhere here), and made our way back to the ship. It was pretty hot and sunny, and on the walk back to the ship, I enjoyed a Sol beer, complete with lime, and for the first time actually understood the appeal of Corona. That appeal, by the way, is exclusive to being in a very hot, tropical climate, and should not include frat parties. We went back to the ship, took a nice long nap, and that was about it. Actually, one of our nicer days.

Note to self: when we gear up for another trip to Mexico, like the one we had planned before this "free" trip came along, make sure that where we are headed is NOT a cruise ship destination.

Cruise, Day 5: A day on the farm

Day 5 of the cruise found us docked in Grand Cayman. Back in 2004, Hurricane Ivan devastated the island, leveling large portions of the structures and leaving most of the island under water for quite some time. Our tour guide pointed out all of the new buildings as we drove along, noting that just about everything is new construction. Part of the problem is that the highest point on the island is 60 feet above sea level, which meant that the island was a blank slate before and after the winds. I was impressed with the rebuilding efforts, and can only imagine that most residents are wondering when the next big one is coming. Once again, we were one of many ships in the harbor, and we were told that this is the slow time of the year. Normally, there are apparently up to nine of these monstrosities in the harbor on any given day, flooding this tiny island with thousands and thousands of tourists, the main source of income for the island. I was glad to be there on a slow day, even if the locals would have preferred more of us.

We visited Boatswain's Beach, which is billed as an "adventure park" but is basically a ranch where the main livestock is green sea turtles. Our tourguide explained that 70% of the turtles are bred for tourism and breeding stock, 20% are released into the wild to help replenish the dwindling numbers...and 10% are for food. We were reminded that the Cayman Islands have no natural resources, and overfishing has resulted in diminishing returns for other seafood, so turtles are a part of the diet in the area. I have no idea why this bothered me, as any other form of ranching would involve numbers of an inverse proportion, but it did. I think serving turtle soup in the gift shop is a bit much, but again, I am admittedly anthropomorphizing here.

Here are a couple videos I made of the turtles...some are cuter than others...





We also stopped by Hell, which is a tiny town/post office in Grand Cayman, so you can...you guessed it, send postcards from Hell! Ha-HA! We realized too late that we didn't have any addresses with us, and we've become so reliant on having that information written down somewhere that I could barely remember our own zip code, let alone anybody else's. Opportunity...missed.

Back aboard. we went and watched the Mariner Masters Poker Tournament final table, and had a nice time. We even met Captain Johnny, who was kind enough to pose with us for a photo. Nice day, but by this time, we were really starting to wear down. Lots of fun things, but not a lot of relaxing fun things. Tomorrow would need to be different.

Cruise, Day 4: [inhale]

Day 4 found us arriving in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. I inhaled deeply off the balcony, hoping to catch a whiff of cooking jerk chicken, mixed with some marijuana, but all I could smell was diesel fuel. My preconceived notions were shattered. To jump ahead in the story, we didn't eat any food in Jamaica, and I regret that; the time constraints would have made it very difficult to eat anywhere other than immediately off the boat at one of the three huge duty-free malls that were in convenient walking distance of the ship, and I have a sense I can find more authentic Jamaican food here at home than there. Oh well.

Once off the boat, we headed to Dolphin Cove to swim with the main attractions. This took me way outside my comfort zone, and I was very nervous to be in the water with large animals. I do not swim for fun, and I have a fear thing about not being able to touch the bottom and being in "their" (read: out of my) environment. However, the Wife thought this would be good for me, and as usual, it turned out she was right. We (and by we, I mean the two of us and five other people, so a small group that allowed a lot of interaction time) swam with Nemo, one of the younger dolphins there, and he was a bit sassy. It was early (according to the trainers, dolphins don't really sleep in the same sense we do, so I am not sure what is "early" for a dolphin?), and he was apparently not in the mood to go through the normal motions with us. I actually really liked the idea of Nemo sort of giving the middle finger (fin?) to his handlers and us; it was reassuring to me to think that he was intelligent enough to demand extra fish to allow the big white guy to touch him. When it came time to take the kissing photo, instead of one tap on my cheek, he did it like 12 times...in my mind, Nemo was being ironic, and I pretty much laughed for the entire time we were in the water with him. I had hoped for a photo of the three of us (me, the Wife, and Nemo), but the staff said that Nemo didn't do that. I have a sense Nemo would have been fine with it, but that would have meant me only buying one photo instead of two, and apparently it is pretty expensive to feed a dolphin, let alone the 10 or so they have at the park. As much trepidation as I had, I have to admit, that was an amazing opportunity, and I am very glad I did it. Would I do it again? Probably not, but some of the fear is gone, and that alone was worth the price of admission.

The rest of the park was kind of sad; I got excited about feeding time at the shark tank, until I saw they were all nurse sharks, which I believe are the nerdy computer programmer cousins in the shark family. Here's a short video of them circling, which reminded me more of a morning commute than anything cool:



After the dolphins, we went across the street (literally) to Dunn's River Falls, which seemed to be a must-see on every tourist list. The falls themselves are very impressive, and the surrounding park was very pretty. There was the standard hawking of crappy chotchkies, and one guy even secretively offered to sell me weed. I assumed this was all part of the tourist experience, but was told later that undercover cops abound throughout the tourist areas, hoping I guess to make their quotas of arrested Americans. Sorry to disappoint. The guy who offered to sell me the weed did take this picture of us, though, so if he was a cop, he's a better photographer than police officer.

Back aboard, we were entertained that evening by Ice Under the Big Top, an ice show in the bottom of the boat. Full-on triple axels, on an ice rink that looked like it was the size of my living room, in a moving ship...and nobody fell. Impressive.